the same boy you've always known

Sam stared at the alkesh she and Rodney had spent the last five days in, the alkesh where they had devised a plan to save the world and beat the bad guys. It looked in a sad state now, beyond repair and partially burnt out. It was a miracle the escape pods had worked at all, especially after the battering the ship had taken.

“I guess that's it then,” Rodney said, standing next to Sam and looking like he'd just been pushed down a mountain.

Sam turned to look at him, cataloging his bruises. He didn't look like any kind of hero. It was almost funny. Sam could imagine him walking down the street and her pointing out to say, 'Hey, me and that guy helped to save the world', and people would say, 'That guy? Nah.'

Rodney was still wearing the clothes he'd been wearing in the last briefing, just before the Ori arrived with their Wraith priors and the shit had gloriously hit the fan. His jacket was torn in places, scuffed, soiled and dirty. His jeans were equally dirty, his shirt and t-shirt similarly smudged. Sam couldn't make out if the smudges on his dark t-shirt were made of blood or dirt. They could have been either.

One side of his face still had a line of drying blood and his eyes looked too bright, his face flushed. Sam thought about smiling at him when he looked at her, but there was nothing to smile about. The planet was saved, not without having reached the brink of destruction.

“You okay?” Rodney asked her.

Sam looked down at herself. She didn't look any better than Rodney. Her jeans were no longer black, looking dusty and in many shades of dirt. Her leather jacket was ripped and her shirt felt crusty and stiff on her back where a gash had bled through at some point.

Sam looked down at her shirt. “I lost a button.”

Rodney shook his head. “Certifiably insane.”

“We just blew up an Ori ship, McKay.” Sam said. “We're allowed to be insane.”

Rodney looked back at the crumpled up alkesh and then at the road ahead, the long dusty road dividing up a desert in the middle of wherever the hell they had landed. “That's good. It'll come in handy. Especially with the mirages. Those things really aren't the same when you're not crazy.”

Sam nodded as she looked at their barren surroundings, everything looking the same in every direction, no cover from the sun and the smell of a burnout ship behind them. “According to the sensors just before we-”

“We're screwed,” Rodney said. “The chances of someone driving down this road today, tomorrow or even the next day are zero. The ship was too damaged for that beacon to have made it.”

Sam shook her head. “Somebody might have-”

“There's nobody,” Rodney said tiredly. “Nobody knows we're here.”

Sam nodded. “So what do you want to do? Sit here and wait to die?”

Rodney was watching her and she saw his throat working, swallowing down something. She almost wished he'd say something rude and inappropriate because somehow that would shift the universe back into place. Instead, he reached into the pocket of his jeans and took out a coin. Tossing it in the air, he caught it and slapped it on the back of his other hand.

“Heads we camp out here, where we have some shelter, tails we take a nice little walk into the non-existent oncoming traffic,” Rodney said, lifting his chin towards the road ahead.

“Tails,” Sam said.

Rodney took his hand away and looked at the coin, snorting when he saw the result. “Probability sucks. Tails it is.”

Sam watched him step past her and slowly walk on ahead, his pallor not going unnoticed by her, or the way he gingerly held his arm around his ribs. She followed, limping on her injured leg, grimacing with every step.

It was a long road ahead and it there was a probability that it wouldn't get them anywhere. Like a lot of occasions, Rodney was right and Sam was too pissed off to admit it.

“What do you think is happening?” Rodney asked, slightly breathless. “I mean, do you think they know? That it was us? I mean, sure, there's a probability that everyone has no idea about what we did, but what if someone does? It'd be pretty cool to go down in the history books as the people that stopped the Ori from taking over.”

“They'll know if the Jaffa council gets through to Cheyenne,” Sam said, trying hard to ignore the pain in her leg.

Rodney snorted. “Right and I'm sure the Pentagon will tell the world Rodney McKay kicked alien ass to save the world.”

“Hey, I was there too, you know?” Sam said. “And why wouldn't they tell the world. It's not like everyone doesn't know who the Ori are anymore.”

“It's a way of life with you people, that's why. You know, covering up, keeping secrets. You probably can't help yourself.”

Sam rolled her eyes, but smiled. “Very funny.”

“I'm not joking. You probably feel compelled to lie about the smallest things. You know, someone asks if you if you liked that thing at that place and you have to say, no because, it's like a disease.”

“McKay,” Sam warned because she could see where this was headed.

“I can only assume that similarly, any lustful feelings you have for me are probably hidden out of habit, rather than necessity,” Rodney said, giving her an oddly disarming smile.

Sam shook her head. “You're unbelievable, you know that?”

Rodney nodded. “I've heard the rumors.”

Sam laughed, glad to have her thoughts turn to something except the events of the last few days. Then she noticed that Rodney was watching her, his expression changing as though he was unsure about something.

“What?” Sam asked, wondering exactly how many sides a Rodney McKay had under the arrogant posturing she'd encountered so many times.

Rodney's face changed and she knew he was going to say something ridiculous, disappear back under the citrus flavored persona .

“Well, Colonel, looks like it's just you and me,” Rodney said. “I'm thinking you might want to take back that remark you made back at the SGC. I'm thinking the last man on this planet is going to start looking good real soon.”

Sam shook her head. “You're not the last man on the planet, McKay.”

Rodney stopped walking and directed his raised brows at her. “Um, I'm sorry. I don't think you realize we're in the middle of nowhere, getting nowhere anytime soon. Ergo, last man standing in close proximity.”

Rodney started to cough, doubling over and holding his arms around himself. Sam steadied him, helping him down to the ground where he fell to his knees. When the coughing fit subsided, Rodney was staring at the ground. Sam followed his gaze and saw the splatter of blood.

He looked back up at her with an amused smile. “Okay, not so much with the last man standing.”

By the time night came around, they hadn't covered much ground and were dead on their feet. The alkesh had no supplies for this trip, so Sam and Rodney ended up lying next to each other in the middle of nowhere on a dusty ground and staring up at a clear sky filled with shooting stars.

“I might be wrong,” Rodney said, too quiet.

“About what?” Sam asked, thinking of an ice cave somewhere she had thought would turn into her grave, Rodney shivering beside her,

“The beacon. It might have worked. I'm just...you know, a worst case scenario type of guy.”

Sam smiled. “I hadn't noticed.”

“You also didn't notice that we're finally sleeping together,” Rodney managed to say.

Sam laughed and realized that Rodney McKay could have worn her down. Given enough time and death defying situations, it could have happened.

“You're unbelievable,” she murmured, watching another star, making a wish.

“Told you so,” Rodney replied.

The sicker Rodney got, the quieter he became. As they wearily walked down the road, Sam supporting Rodney, she was finding it increasingly hard to find that man she met years ago. There was something new and foreign about Rodney's stubborn struggle to keep moving. Something she hadn't quite expected of him.

“I want, I want an airport named after me,” Rodney said and Sam could almost feel the pain in his lungs. “That's like, the least they can do.”

Sam ignored him, not wanting to be the bringer of a dead man's messages.

“Or, maybe, my face on a ten dollar bill. Not that I'm not worth more. It's all about exposure. A picture of me killing Ori maybe.”

Sam closed her eyes for a moment, clamping her mouth shut to stop herself from telling him to shut up before he made the inevitable dead man walking gag.

Rodney sighed then, sounding completely exhausted and fed up. “Jesus, what the hell is so noble and heroic about dying like this? Give me a heart attack in my sleep any day.”

“Rodney,” Sam snapped. “You're not going to die, okay? There's every chance the beacon worked and someone's on their way to get us. Just...just hold on, okay?”

Rodney seemed to become heavier against her as he nodded. “Okay. But, I think I need to lie down first.”

He slipped from Sam's grasp and fell to the ground with a thud. Sam knew he wouldn't be getting up again.

“D'you have anyone?” Rodney murmured. “Family or something?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah. Brother.”

“Think he's alive?”

Sam shook her head and looked to her side at the road that was stretching away from them. “I don't know. I hope so.”

“I have a sister,” Rodney said. “Jeannie.”

“Do you think she's okay?” Sam asked.

Rodney opened his eyes and squinted at Sam, frowning, looking confused. “Yeah. I think she's okay.”

Sam frowned back. “How can you be sure?”

“I dunno,” Rodney said. “I just am. Do me a favor, will you?”

“What?”

“Track her down, my sister-”

“McKay,” Sam stopped him, closing her eyes.

“Just, shut up and listen, okay? Tell her, tell her I died saving a whole bunch of kids. She likes kids,” Rodney said absently.

Sam stared at him. “Wouldn't you rather I told her you died saving the world, McKay?”

Rodney seemed to think about it. Then he gave a small smile. “Huh. Always two steps ahead. Yeah. That's better. Tell her I did that. And you know what?”

“What?” Sam asked, her eyes burning.

“Tell her it wasn't the first time. And...tell her...tell her she was right. She was always way smarter than me. She probably could have made that nuke work with a paper clip and a stick of gum,” Rodney trailed off, his anecdote turning into an inaudible murmur.

Sam listened as long as he kept talking.

Sam's limp was worsening and her jacket felt as though it weighed a ton, but she couldn't get rid of it either, not with the cold night ahead of her. That wasn't even the worse thing. The worse thing was McKay yammering in her ear with renewed energy and vigor.

“Seriously, you should consider yourself lucky that you're even in one piece after your improvements to that alkesh,” he said,

Sam glared at McKay.

“You really are very attractive when you're angry,” McKay said, shaking his head as if he didn't quite believe it.

“You know, I really preferred it when you were-”

“Half-dead as opposed to full dead?” McKay asked.

Sam gave him a look and continued walking, focusing on the pain in her leg, the ache of her limbs and the bruises on her body. Anything but McKay.

She looked up into the bright and cloudless sky, the sun mercilessly sinking beneath her skin.

“You know what's nice this time of year?” McKay asked. “Siberia. Nice and cool.”

Sam stopped walking and looked at McKay who gave her an innocent shrug. “Well, actually, it's nice and cool all the time.”

Sam didn't say anything, not trusting her own sanity an iota right now.

“You kind of look like you wish I was back there right now,” McKay said cheerily.

Sam stared. “No. I don't.”

“Oh. Not that you could send me there this time anyway.”

“I didn't send you there the last time,” Sam said.

“You were just glad to see me go,” McKay said with a know-it-all expression before walking off ahead of Sam.

Sam limped after him. “Wait a second, you're trying to guilt trip me? You're the one that was acting like a jerk!”

McKay ignored her and walked on, snorting. “Please. At least I wasn't the one acting as though the laws of physics are my personal playthings that I can screw about with willy nilly.”

“Screw about with? Hey, I'm not the one that blew up two thirds of an entire galaxy,” Sam snapped at the back of his head.

McKay turned around, unimpressed. “Oh, sure. Just because I'm not blowing up stars for the good of humanity, I'm the bad guy. Typical. If you're blonde and pretty, you can pretty much get away with anything.”

Sam might hit McKay if her leg hadn't buckled under her, sending her to the ground in a heap. She fell back and stared up at the sky that had no business looking so innocent and beautiful. Maybe this wasn't such a bad place to die.

“Oh, sure. Now you want to give up,” McKay said, his face hovering above her.

“Forget it,” Sam murmured. “I know what you're doing. It's not working.”

“Like you have the intellectual capacity to even figure out what I'm doing,” McKay said.

Sam glared. “I really hate you, McKay.”

“I know.” McKay smiled, and it wasn't malicious, or smug or a millions things you could hate about him. It was everything else. Maybe it wasn't even him.

“You know what I don't understand?” Sam asked, her skin stinging with sweat and her body drained of energy as it struggled to continue moving. “The Ancients, interfering all over the place, pretty much leaving it up to us to fight the Ori and going around screwing up everything else and now that it's all over, not even a thanks. It wouldn't kill them to drop by and say, 'Hi, need a ride?'”

“I'm not sure I'd want to ascend,” McKay said thoughtfully. “It's not like you can even eat. I mean, there's one huge reason not to ascend right there. That and all the other sins of the flesh.”

“But what if you had all the knowledge of the universe at your fingertips?” Sam asked.

“Hello. There are no fingertips. And do you really think they have the knowledge of the entire universe at their...glowy tentacles? That's highly unlikely. If that were true, they wouldn't spend most of their time hiding behind a cloud.”

“They have rules about not interfering, McKay” Sam retaliated. “Or so they say.”

“I'm sorry, but that's a crock. The last thing someone does with an enormous amount of power is to not interfere. Therefore, they're not as powerful as they make out. Just enough to make us look like gorillas.”

Sam smiled at McKay. “Trust me, you don't need any help with that, McKay.”

McKay smiled back. “I suppose that must make you Sigourney Weaver. Not blonde, but still very hot.”

“Why are you here?” Sam asked later, blinking up at the dark sky. “Why not anyone else? Out of everyone I lost, why you?”

“Well, thank you,” McKay sneered. “I'm overwhelmed by the fluffy pinkness of that sentiment.”

“You know what I mean,” Sam said. “My friends. My team.”

Come back for me. I don't much like the idea of being some dead guy by the roadside.

There was a loud noise right over Sam's eyes and she was forced to open them, seeing McKay there, snapping his fingers and frowning at her.

“What?” Sam asked.

“I think you passed out,” McKay said and peered closer. “You look terrible.”

Sam closed her eyes and laughed, almost feeling drunk. “No, not so hot.”

There was a long silence, which made her open her eyes to see McKay watching her with bemusement. He gave her a smile and said, “I wouldn't say that.”

“It's not that I hate you, McKay,” Sam said, sitting up with a sudden rush of energy, all the pain and bruises forgotten.

“Sure, you just send everyone you like to Siberia,” McKay said, looking at her like she was the biggest idiot on the planet.

Sam got to her feet, facing McKay with a unimpressed look of her own. “You don't think you can come across a little annoying sometimes? A little overbearing. Rude. Arrogant. Rude. Did I mention rude?”

McKay looked bored. “Well, if you're going to nitpick.”

Sam rolled her eyes and turned away to look at the woman on the ground. Sam made a face. “I don't look so good.”

“Not from where I'm standing,” McKay said from somewhere behind Sam.

“McKay, are you staring my ass?” Sam asked, shaking her head.

“You really do have a very high opinion of yourself,” McKay answered.

“Are you?”

“Um...yes?”

Sam spun around and glared.

McKay held his hands up and smiled. “Hey, remember that time we saved Earth together and I died a very heroic and noble death? Wasn't that fun?”

Sam squeezed her eyes shut for a moment before turning back to the prone body on the ground. Watching her was going to achieve nothing, so Sam sat down, drawing her legs up, now that she could without the accompanying pain. McKay plopped down next to her.

“So,” McKay said. “This is eternity.”

Sam slowly turned to look at McKay who was smiling back at her. “You have got to be kidding me.”

McKay gave Sam a look. “What? Like your nagging isn't beginning to grate?”

Sam gave McKay a tight smile, ready to tell him to go suck a lemon, but McKay laughed and said, “Like that's even a problem anymore.”

A bubble of laughter escaped from Sam as she nodded. When she looked up at him, he was watching her again, with that same look he had maybe a day or two or however long ago. Something real from under all the bluster.

“What?” Sam asked again.

McKay frowned. “I don't know. Never did get to finish that thought.”

“I never really hated you,” Sam said thoughtfully, stretching out her legs and leaning back on her hands as she hooked one ankle over the other. “You just...I dunno, you go charging in everywhere like a bull in a china shop, expecting everyone to just drop what they're doing.”

“Hmm, let's see. Life and death situation people, pay no attention, just let me know when you've finished your coffee and donuts and I'll get back to you,” McKay said in a manner so gentle it was frightening.

Sam laughed. “Wouldn't hurt for you to be nicer. That's all I'm saying.”

“Wouldn't have hurt,” McKay amended.

Sam's smile faded. “Right. Sorry.”

“Apology not necessary. I'm not really here. Remember?”

Sam sighed and looked down at McKay who was lying on the ground, hands under his head, staring up at the starry night.

“I wish you were,” Sam said quietly.

McKay turned his gaze on Sam. “Really?”

Sam smiled. “Yeah. I do. You have your moments.”

“I'm guessing you're referring to the blowing up of a fleet of Ori ships moment? Because that was a pretty awesome moment. Followed by the moment when we realized we weren't dead because, seriously, I don't really know why we weren't incinerated up there.”

Sam narrowed her eyes. “Maybe we were. Maybe we just think we made it back.”

McKay smiled. “See? That's what makes you a genius. It's that 'I'm completely wacko' quality.”

Sam made a face at McKay, but ended up smiling and lying down to watch stars that were still shooting across the sky.

She awoke because McKay was snapping his fingers at her again. “Come on, wake up!”

Sam squinted up at him, her mouth dry and her head pounding. “I'm tired.”

“Well, get over it,” McKay snapped. “What's the point of saving the world if you're not even going to hang around to enjoy it? Also, there's no way I'm not getting that airport named after me.”

Sam closed her eyes, her breath shallow in her lungs and limbs incapable of little more than pain and exhaustion.

McKay was still telling her to wake up, snapping his fingers and words at her, but Sam figured the world had come close enough to the end for her to let it go. After all, everyone else that mattered was gone.

“Colonel?”

Sam opened her eyes when she realized it wasn't Rodney's voice, or his face peering down at her, It was a serious looking man with a crew cut and sharp piercing blue eyes.

“Colonel Carter?” he asked. “Can you hear me?”

Sam nodded, holding back the fact that she was dehydrated and not deaf as well as wondering where the hell that came from.

“We got your beacon, but it was tough getting down here,” the man was saying as Sam felt her body lurch and realized they were moving.

Sam looked around to see they were in the back of a truck amidst supplies and crates, the serious faces of a bunch of Marines looking at her.

Sam shook her head. “Wait. We can't leave.”

“What?” her new friend was ready to argue.

“We have to go back,” Sam croaked.

“Back where?”

“Towards the ship. McKay,” she said. “I promised we wouldn't leave without him.”

The Marine looked at her, his eyes showing that he understood what she was talking about. “Ma'am, we're low on resources. It's survivors only.”

“You want me to make it an order?” Sam asked, knowing she was hardly in any position to give orders. “I can do that, but I'd rather you went back because that guy helped save our asses.”

That seemed to get him. He looked around at the others, receiving somewhat hollow stares and then back at Sam with a small nod, before ordering, “Turn it around! We're making one more pick up. Lieutenant, get the colonel some water.”

Sam felt the truck turning as a canteen was brought to her lips. The water wasn't exactly cold, but it was water. It hurt on the way down, but still, water.

The truck moved along slowly and Sam watched the unchanging blue of the sky above, as she drifted between sleep and waking.

“Thanks,” Rodney said from somewhere next to Sam.

“You too,” Sam murmured, feeling the truck coming to a stop and knowing Rodney McKay was already gone.

- the end -