no place like home

I.

Jonas watched, trying to suppress his shock. Daniel Jackson was alive. There he stood. Bright as day and looking annoyed as though someone had just ruined his best robe. Jonas had almost laughed at the SGC's myth about the man that just couldn't die. Because he did die. He had died saving Jonas' people. Jonas had stood by and watched Daniel give up his life to save people he didn't even know. The man had died.

And then he was back. Not just back, but he had appeared to Jack and Teal'c too apparently. He had been out there, floating around and doing whatever it was that clouds of light did.

Then he came back. Then he went up against Anubis. Then he disappeared. The thought crossed their minds that perhaps he was dead. Again. Or not.

And then they found him, without memory and without powers. He couldn't remember the people he had left behind or the people that had thrown him from their midst. Jonas had watched as Jack, Sam and Teal'c tried to seek out recognition in Daniel's eyes. They found cobalt eyes that looked back with mistrust, wariness and perhaps a little fear.

Jonas didn't try to seek anything out. There had never been enough time for their bond to strengthen. Just when Jonas had begun to know him, Daniel had died, leaving the unbearable burden of guilt on his shoulders. He wasn't allowed to seek out friendship in Daniel's eyes because everyone had looked at him as though he was the killer. He wasn't. He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. How ironic that it had happened just as he had found the right person.

On returning to the SGC, Jonas had intentionally stayed out of the way as much as he could as Doctor Jackson found his feet around the base.

His teammates had momentarily forgotten him in the euphoria of finding their lost friend. Their eyes were lit and they smiled a lot. Jonas found his guilt ebbing away. He had carried it on his shoulders for a year, trying to find a way to accept that he wasn't responsible for Daniel's death. It was odd. He knew he wasn't responsible, but the guilt never went away. He couldn't help thinking that it was meant to be him that died. Not Daniel.

Unlike his friends, Daniel wasn't smiling or grinning a lot. He looked uncertain. Sometimes he looked nervous as though he wasn't sure about his choice to return to the SGC.

Jonas had seen Daniel walking down a corridor and then abruptly stopping. He was staring at the infirmary. Remembering? How odd would it be to remember your own death? He had looked lost as he stared down the corridor, his eyes darting to the floor, the wall and back to the door.

The guard, Daniel's shadow, asked him if he was okay. Daniel didn't reply. He frowned as though trying hard to dredge up the memory. He turned around and he saw Jonas.

Jonas smiled instantly even though he felt embarrassed at being caught out. He raised his hand in a still wave to Daniel.

"Jonas," Daniel said, a child trying out new words, remembering through speech and sound.

"Hey," Jonas replied cheerily as he walked up to Daniel. "You remember my name."

Daniel smiled. "Actually, I heard Jim call you by it."

Jonas nodded, his smile ever present. "You know his name's Jack, right?"

Daniel gave a small nod, a smile playing on his lips. "And that he's a big Star Trek fan."

Jonas grinned.

Daniel frowned for a moment and looked at Jonas. "What is Star Trek?"

Jonas mulled over his thoughts on Earth entertainment. "You're probably better off not remembering some things."

Daniel smiled. He didn't seem so uncertain now. He seemed comfortable. Perhaps a little relieved. He wasn't under pressure to remember. He and Jonas hadn't lost years and history. They had lost a few fleeting moments. Moments that might have been looked back on with fondness and wry smiles. Moments that the grand scheme of things would have rendered unimportant.

Near Jonas, Daniel didn't have to be the man everyone remembered. Jonas was just glad to see the man alive.

They both laughed. Daniel looked away, smiling, his eyes forever searching for clues as Jonas watched him.

"So, how's it all coming along?" Jonas asked pointing towards his own head.

Daniel absently looked down the corridor and the infirmary. "It's… strange. One minute I feel like everything's just going to flood back and the next I can't remember anything no matter how hard I try. It's like groping around a dark room and looking for a light switch that might not work."

"It must be hard," Jonas sympathized.

Daniel nodded. Both men stood quietly in the corridor, Jonas watching Daniel closely, Daniel who seemed completely unaware of eyes that glanced him as if he were a walking miracle.

"What's this?"

Jack's voice broke the silence. No, it intruded on the silence. Jonas suddenly felt the way he always felt around Jack. Like he wasn't meant to be there.

Jonas gave a smile and a shrug, earning a frown from Jack.

Daniel was looking at the infirmary doors again. Jonas looked at Jack and though Jack's face held no expression his eyes seemed to become dark, concerned.

"Remembering something?" Jack asked.

Daniel didn't break his gaze from the doors. "I'm not sure, Jim."

Jack rolled his eyes and Jonas smiled.

"It's Jack. Jack. How hard is that to remember? I mean, John I could understand. But Jim? Where the hell do you come up with Jim?" Jack griped.

Daniel turned and frowned at Jack. "Your name's John? Why didn't you tell me?"

Jack closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Jack. It's Jack."

"You just said it was John," Daniel said flatly and Jonas tried not to laugh. It was good to see someone who could yank Jack's chain like it was second nature.

Jack's hands came up as though he would strangle Daniel, they turned to fists and came back down. "Jack O'Neill. Think you can remember that?"

Daniel seemed to think it over. "I'm not really sure. You might have noticed that I'm having problems with the whole remembering…" Daniel trailed off and stared at Jack.

Jack took a step back and eyed Daniel suspiciously. "What?"

"You owe me twenty dollars for a bet you lost. You said there was no way Sam would come into work on downtime when she was sick. You lost."

Jack raised his eyebrow. "I'm sorry, I don't seem to remember. Whatever you've got must be catching."

Daniel looked as though he had expected the answer.

"Coming to the commissary? They have Jell-O," Jack said.

Daniel stared for a moment. "Okay."

Jack turned to Jonas. "Coming?"

Jonas shook his head. "No, thanks, I've got this thing…"

Jack nodded and gave the briefest of polite smiles as Jonas trailed off. He watched Jack and Daniel walk past him, giving them a nod as they went and hearing Daniel ask, 'What's Jell-O?" as they left.

Jonas thought of home.

They were working side by side. Jonas and Daniel, together in the same office. When Daniel was focused with the blackboard, Jonas would steal a look. Daniel was slowly remembering. The older memories seemed to be reappearing first. Sometimes they came as dreams that made Daniel wonder if they were real at all. He told Jonas how he dreamt of walking through walls and watching his friends, but they couldn't see him and didn't know he was there. He told Jonas about Jack's comical explanation about their discovery of a crystal skull. It seemed he hadn't elaborated much beyond there being a 'weird assed crystal skull that made these neutrinos go nuts, made you invisible and there was this giant. Actually, he looked like a great big genie.'

They were once again in the office. Daniel was scribbling away on the board and Jonas stood beside him, reading his notebook. Jonas looked up and frowned at the writing, something that didn't make sense to him, probably because Daniel wrote so fast sometimes he had no idea he was leaving out words. Jonas pointed out a word, his finger pressed on the board.

"You did it again," Jonas said as he stepped closer to Daniel and held up his notebook to show a series of variations they had worked on before.

Daniel stopped writing, his hand paused in the middle of a letter. He was staring at Jonas' finger on the board, his body completely still and his eyes fixed. Jonas looked up from the notebook, and at Daniel, who had fallen into one of his temporary comas. Jonas closed the book and his hand came down from the board. Daniel was still staring at the same spot.

"Daniel?" Jonas put his hand on Daniel's shoulder. "You okay? Daniel?"

Daniel turned his face and frowned at Jonas. "I thought I remembered something."

Jonas raised his eyebrows, waiting for a large revelation. By the look of Daniel's face is was something big. "What?"

Daniel shook his head. "I don't know. It was so quick."

Daniel took off his glasses and sighed, his fingers rubbing the corner of his left eye. "What if it's like this forever? What if I never remember everything?"

Jonas gave Daniel a pat on the shoulder. He considered Daniel lucky. Not being able to remember seemed a million times better than remembering every horror you laid your eyes on. Jonas would gladly forget.

Jonas was asleep when the door to his room opened. He awoke startled and his notebook slipped from his stomach onto the bed as he sat up. Jonas stared at Daniel, who was standing in front of the door and looking guilty.

"I'm sorry. You're sleeping, I didn't think-"

Jonas waved Daniel's explanation away. "I was just resting my eyes. You okay?"

Daniel looked troubled, his brow creased. "Uh... no. I'm... I'm not, actually."

Jonas got up from the bed and went to close the door to his room. "What's wrong?"

Daniel was still facing the bed, Jonas behind him and leaning against the door. "Daniel?"

Daniel turned around and looked at Jonas and his voice was soft when he spoke. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Jonas didn't give anything away and shrugged. "Tell you what?"

"You know what," Daniel's voice was gentle, coaxing.

Jonas nodded. "Hey Doctor Jackson, how's it going? I know you can't remember anything including your whole life and friends, but I was wondering if you remember one single night you spent with me."

Daniel's face said he had been stung. "Well... when you put it that way."

"I didn't think it was important," Jonas said staring at the ground.

"To who?"

Jonas looked up at Daniel and sighed. He would welcome the bolt of lightening that could erase his memory.

It was the night before that accident. He and Daniel had spent an entire day going over artifacts. Jonas had been full of questions and Daniel had happily obliged with answers.

They were in Jonas' office. Jonas was showing Daniel a translation written up on a board. He pointed out something they had trouble translating. Something that seemed off.

Daniel's finger touched the word on the board. "This?"

Jonas turned to look at Daniel's face, his eyes fixed on the word. He nodded slowly, though Daniel wasn't watching him.

"That's amazing. Same Budge, different planet," Daniel had murmured, earning a confused frown from Jonas.

Daniel turned to look at Jonas' confused face and laughed. He shook his head, slightly embarrassed. "It's a joke. You... have no idea what I'm talking about."

Jonas smiled. Daniel was right. Jonas had no idea what the joke was about. But he liked the self-deprecating smile on Daniel's face. The small flush of embarrassment. He liked the dashes of light in Daniel's eyes.

Jonas had stared too long and Daniel's smile had fallen away. "What?" Daniel had asked.

Jonas didn't answer the question. His own face had frozen. Then he took a step forward. A step that at the time felt like one that was ridiculously being taken to cross a canyon. He would fall. He would fall so far and hard that it would kill him.

Jonas stepped forward and lay a kiss on Daniel's lips. It was quick but firm. He stepped back and looked at Daniel.

Daniel was standing there with a frozen look of surprise, his lips slightly parted and his eyes wandering in confusion.

"I'm sorry," Jonas said. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Oh," Daniel said. "I can see how your point of view might have changed over all of those seconds."

Jonas' face colored. He felt like an inexperienced idiot. But then there was no rule book on how one was supposed to make advances towards men from another planet.

"What I meant to say was, it seemed like you might be interested in reciprocating at the time. In hindsight that might have more to do with misplaced optimism on my part rather than-"

Daniel stepped forward, took Jonas' face in his hands and kissed him properly. Not a quick touch of lips. A slow exploration. A taste. A drink. Jonas' hands moved to the front of Daniel's jacket, his fingers curling against the fabric as he fell into the kiss. They pulled apart slowly and reluctantly.

Daniel had a small grin on his face. "Better," he said.

Jonas nodded in agreement. "Much better."

"I gave you that book," Daniel said quietly.

Jonas sat on the floor, against the door from where he was avoiding Daniel's occasional glances. Daniel sat on the floor, his back against bed.

"I still have it," Jonas said.

"You do?"

"Well, on Kelowna."

Daniel smiled.

Jonas had taken Daniel home, an apartment that was in the complex and came with the job. He watched Daniel walk in and look over the composition of the living room. Jonas knew that Daniel was looking at a room that didn't seem lived in and perhaps even felt a little cold. The only clue to there being an occupant were a few books that were scattered across the floor and furniture. Daniel had been looking out of the window at the wide view of the city. He had watched silently and seemed lost for a moment. Jonas had watched Daniel, standing there with his hands in his pockets. He walked up to Daniel, wanting to turn him around and say something impressive and profound.

"You've got a great-"

Daniel turned and looked straight at Jonas' face, his mouth halting.

Jonas smiled. "I've got a great?"

Daniel smiled back, his eyes turning to the floor for a moment. "View. You've got a great view."

Jonas nodded. "You like it?"

Daniel gave a slow nod. "Yeah."

"You should see it when the sun goes down," Jonas said quietly. "All the lights. It's beautiful."

"I'm sure it is," Daniel said, his voice almost an whisper and his eyes now fixed on Jonas.

Jonas swallowed, his heart beating too fast. He felt ridiculously nervous, as though it was his first time. Or as though it was the last. His hands and face felt like they were burning and he was sure he would do something stupid like fall over at an inopportune moment.

Daniel on the other hand seemed calm. He had this small smile on his lips and his eyes were warm and bright. They made the cold apartment seemed warmer. Jonas leaned forward slightly, tilting his head and pressing his lips against Daniel's.

He felt Daniel's fingers come up to stroke his jaw as they kissed slowly. It felt good to kiss someone. It had been a while since he had let himself look at anything that wasn't work related. It had been a while since he'd been willing to take a chance. It felt good.

When he pulled away from Daniel, he was smiling. Daniel smiled back, amusement coloring his eyes.

"What?" Jonas asked.

Daniel gave a small laugh. "Nothing."

"No. Tell me. What?"

"You're uh... you're very... peppy."

Jonas frowned with confusion, but then smiled anyway.

"It's a good thing," Daniel said reassuringly.

Jonas nodded. Then he smiled and held out his hand. Daniel seemed to consider the hand for a moment, then smiling, he placed his hand in Jonas' and let himself be led to the bedroom.

Jonas was still sitting against the door, one leg drawn up and his arm resting on the knee. He was staring at his own hand, painfully aware of Daniel's eyes on him.

"If it means anything, it's not exactly a memory I'm having trouble dealing with," Daniel said.

Jonas looked up at Daniel and forced a smile that he knew probably came off looking more painful than anything else.

"So you remember... that? I mean, us. That day," Jonas floundered.

Daniel's eyes seemed to look right through Jonas, lighting up a trail of fire through him. Daniel gave a nod.

Jonas tried not to remember.

Jonas moaned into the pillow, squeezing his eyes shut, his hands clawing at the pillows and sheets as his breath caught in his lungs. He heard Daniel expel a breathless 'oh God' as he thrust slowly, his lips somewhere near the nape of Jonas' neck.

Daniel's body moved slowly, in and out, making Jonas feel as though he was being strung out. Wound up. Torn apart. He gave another grunt into the pillow, lifting his knee higher and pushing it into the mattress. He felt Daniel's hand stroke down his thigh, his fingers digging into the flesh.

"... stop," Jonas gasped.

"You want me to... stop?" Daniel asked breathlessly.

Jonas smiled into the pillow, his eyes closed. "No. Don't. Don't stop."

"Is this going to be a problem?" Daniel asked when Jonas closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the door.

Jonas shook his head. "No. No problem."

"It's not how it looks from here."

Jonas looked at Daniel and threw up his hands. "I understand everyone's happy to see you again and don't get me wrong. That doesn't mean I'm not happy to see you. I am. You have no idea how happy."

"But?"

Something like anger flickered across Jonas' face for a second. But he regained control and it was replaced by a tight smile. He had no words for how he felt.

"But... I died and it screwed up your life?" Daniel suggested with a sad smile.

Jonas' face seemed to fall, his eyes becoming sad. Daniel hadn't changed much. His eyes still had that same warmth and understanding and Jonas still felt the lure of them. He stared at Daniel, feeling very alone and strangely empty.

Daniel got up from the floor and walked over to where Jonas was sitting. He held out his hand. Jonas stared at the hand and back at Daniel's eyes that seemed to glow in the dim lighting of the room. Jonas put his hand in Daniel's and he was pulled up from the floor.

"Do you want me to leave?" Daniel asked.

Jonas shook his head and accepted the kiss.

A light shake of the shoulder awoke him. Jonas slowly opened his eyes and moaned as he felt the ache of his limbs. But it was a pleasurable ache that made him remember and smile. He turned onto his back and looked at Daniel who was dressed.

"Hey," Daniel said. "I have to go."

Jonas frowned and looked at the window. The sky had turned black and night had fallen. Jonas sat up and nodded.

"I uh, brought that book with me. It's on the table in your living room," Daniel said as he laced up his boots.

Jonas squeezed his eyes trying to rid himself of that wrinkled feeling in the lids and gave another nod as he got out from under the covers to get dressed.

Jonas dressed quickly as his body argued with him, telling him to return to the softness of sleep and the warmth of the bed. He wished they could just lie in bed without anyone having to leave. He wished he didn't have to hide and pretend. He wished this could be seen as normal.

Dressed and ready, they both walked out of the bedroom, Jonas sleepily trailing behind Daniel. They reached the front door and Daniel suddenly turned around. Jonas looked at him, startled.

Daniel opened his mouth to speak, but then he seemed at a loss for words and his eyes were searching the room for something to say.

Jonas grinned and grabbed Daniel by his jacket to plant a kiss on his lips.

When they pulled away, Daniel was smiling. "Okay," was all he said.

"I hope we can continue our diplomatic relations in the same vein, Doctor Jackson," Jonas said.

Daniel laughed and turned to open the door.

The door opened and the hallway was filled with bright yellow light. Jonas stepped back and shielded his eyes. The light disappeared and he looked. Daniel was standing in front of him, facing the hall. Jonas reached out slowly and placed his hand on Daniel's shoulder to turn him around. When Daniel turned around his skin was covered in bleeding sores. His skin seemed to be melting right in front of Jonas' face. His breath caught in his chest and he stumbled back and turned to run away from the walking corpse. He ran down the corridor that took him away from the lab and towards the Stargate, but his legs seemed to slow down the faster he tried to run. It was like running through glue. Jonas saw the end of the corridor and he spurred himself forward. As he reached the end, a man stepped out suddenly. Jonas saw himself there, his face burnt and bleeding. His feet came to a stop on the slippery tiles and he fell. He crawled back as his double moved towards him malevolently. His back came up against a wall. There was nowhere to go. Jonas saw a burnt hand reach for him and he pushed back against the wall in terror. The hand touched his face and he was on fire.

Jonas gasped awake. He sat up and tried not to moan, his body shaking. He tried to forget the manner in which the scientists had died. He tried to forget Daniel Jackson jumping through the glass as he had stared in horror and fear. He tried to forget the way Daniel had stared at his hands, that knowing look in his eyes that he was a dead man.

"What did you do?" Jonas had asked in an inaudible whisper.

Daniel continued to stare at his hands and mumbled, "Get my friends. I need my friends."

Jonas clenched his jaw against the rising nausea and got out of his bed. He paced back and forth, running his fingers through his hair, his mind filled with confusion. Jonas turned and looked at his bed. He cursed a memory that remembered so well. Taste, smell and touch flooded his brain and skin. Daniel was filling him even as he stood there staring at the empty cold bed. Jonas grabbed the sheets from the bed, pulling them away viciously. He rolled up the sheets and blankets and ran out of the bedroom and into the kitchen where he stuffed them into the bin. Out of sight.

But he was still haunted by the faces of the dying scientists. Only now he could see Daniel's face, burning, bleeding, the light going out of his eyes.

The anger ebbed away and Jonas felt a sickly emptiness. He had stood by and done nothing as Daniel killed himself. He was standing by and doing nothing now.

My government will admit Daniel is guilty over my dead body.

Jonas had wanted to scoff at Jack O'Neill's ridiculous sentiment. One man could not go up against his government without being destroyed.

As Jack had said that, Jonas had imagined telling his government the truth. He imagined telling everyone. He could see the cold stares he would get for pointing out the heroism of a man that was being called the murderer of those brave scientists.

As the only witness left, Jonas was would be discredited. His traiterous nature would be exposed whether it existed or not. He would lose his whole life. People had been sent to prison for life, for less. He would never see the light of day again.

It was the middle of the night, allowing Jonas to hide in the shadows as he left the complex to seek out advice from the only man he could consider family and friend. He had wanted someone to agree with his doubts. Someone to tell him to do the right thing. It wasn't to be.

"You'll be throwing away your life!" Dr. Kieran had snapped.

"I saw what happened," Jonas said wearily. "I can't carry this with me for the rest of my life. Our government doesn't care about right or wrong. I saw it for myself, their faces when they saw how powerful the naquadriah is. I don't think they even care that our own scientists paid for this information with their lives. This is all our fault. We ignored the warnings and continued testing something that's more powerful than our ability to comprehend it. If Doctor Jackson hadn't done what he did, we wouldn't even be able to have this conversation."

Jonas turned to leave as he finished, knowing that he was talking to a brick wall. There would be no support for his suicidal plan. He was on his own.

"Jonas!" Doctor Kieran said as he grabbed Jonas' arm and pulled him around. "If you do this, they'll turn your life inside out. They will lay bare even the most uneventful details of your life to public scrutiny. You will be discredited and dishonored. You've achieved so much in your life already. Do not throw it away."

Jonas felt his eyes begin to burn. "Did you know that I haven't even been asked yet about what I saw? Not a single person from the inquiry's asked me. Nobody even cares about the truth. These are the people you're asking me to protect."

"I'm not asking you to protect anyone but yourself. You're like a son to me Jonas, I don't want to see you ruin your life."

Jonas blinked away the stinging and nodded. "I was standing there, watching. The whole time. I was there and I saw him just shoot the window and jump through. I'm not even sure he thought about what he was doing. He just did it. And all that time, I just watched. I was so afraid I didn't know what to do. That's not who I want to be anymore."

Doctor Kieran had stared at him with a terrified look. He knew Jonas had made up his mind. Jonas gave a brief smile, as if that would somehow restore the well-being of the situation. He turned and walked away as Doctor Kieran called his name. He kept walking. He spent the whole night walking around the city square, taking mental snapshots. He knew what he had to do.

He stepped through the Stargate. Men stood at the end of the ramp with their weapons aimed at him. He slowly walked down until he was standing inches from heavy set bald man.

"Jonas Quinn?"

Jonas nodded. "General Hammond?"

Hammond nodded. "If you'll come with me," he said turning and walking away. Jonas followed, an armed man following him. They were in the corridor when Jonas stopped walking.

"General Hammond?"

Hammond turned around and looked at Jonas, part annoyed and part weary.

"I'd like to see Doctor Jackson."

Hammond's eyes frosted over, but he nodded then and said, "Very well."

Jonas followed him in silence until they reached a small dark room with a window through which he could see Daniel. His whole body and face was covered. Jonas could only conjure up horrific images of what lay beneath the gauze. Jonas closed his eyes and memories of skin and muscle flooded back. Taught muscle and smooth skin. Hard kisses and heat.

Jonas opened his eyes and stared. He knew Hammond was watching him. Judging him. It didn't matter.

Looking through the window, he imagined Daniel sitting up and removing the gauze to show him the burnt skin. To show him bleeding skin. He imagined the corpse breaking through the window to kiss him.

Jonas gasped awake. He sat up and tried not to moan, his body shaking.

"I'm sorry, I didn't meant to scare you," Daniel said moving his hand from Jonas' shoulder.

Jonas looked back with a confused frown.

"I just wanted to let you know I was leaving," Daniel said quietly.

Jonas grabbed Daniel's wrist and opened his mouth to tell him to stay. He could stop it all from ever happening. Then the veil of sleep lifted completely and he saw his room at the SGC. Jonas let go of Daniel's wrist.

"Sorry... I..."

"It's okay," Daniel said, his eyes looking concerned. "Are you alright?"

Jonas nodded, trying not to let his body give into the chill his skin was feeling. "I'm fine," he said with a forced smile.

"Talk to you in the morning," Daniel said. "Get some sleep."

Daniel climbed off the bed and gave a brief smile before leaving the room. Jonas sank back on the bed and sighed. He wished he could stop thinking of home.

"I couldn't remember what this was like."

"It's fun, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Look, if we get out of this-"

"Oh, you can keep the office."

"Actually, I was talking about SG-1."

"Ahh. You took the position because you felt guilty about what happened to me and you thought that you could make up for it by finishing my work and now that I'm back you-"

"Don't get me wrong. I love the job."

"Well, who could argue? I mean, lousy hours, constant peril."

"You do get to travel a lot."

Daniel stared. "You're very up."

Jonas smiled. "Yeah. Truth is, I don't think that uh, Colonel O'Neill was very comfortable in having me around."

"Well, that's not what he told me. He said you were a good man."

"Really? He said that?" Jonas asked, wondering if Daniel's diplomatic skills extended to downright lying.

"Yeah, you're shocked he never let on?"

Jonas didn't respond. Jack had only ever let onto one thing. How much he didn't want Jonas around. "Anyway, now that you're back..."

"Let's worry about getting out of here first," Daniel said.

Jonas nodded. If they got out, there would be time for real good-byes.

Daniel was walking up to his bed with a silly smile on his face, one that made Jonas roll his eyes and then smile anyway.

"How are you feeling?"

Jonas sighed. "The painkillers are making everything seem very cheerful."

Daniel stuffed his hands into his pockets and came closer to the bed. "You sure that's not just you?"

Jonas frowned and Daniel's smile widened.

"So..."

"I've been told I'm welcome to return to Kelowna. I can go home if I want," Jonas said quietly, his eyes measuring Daniel for a reaction.

Daniel gave a nod, his smile faltering a little. "That's good. Right? I mean, that's what you want."

"Yes," Jonas said. "It is what I wanted."

"But?" Daniel prompted.

"I have fish here," Jonas said with a grin that made Daniel laugh.

"Okay. I think someone needs to sleep off the painkillers," Daniel teased giving Jonas' hand a light pat.

Jonas caught Daniel's hand before he had a chance to leave. "Doctor Jackson, I'm glad you're back."

Daniel put his other hand on top of the one that was holding onto him. He gave Jonas a smile, like sympathy for someone who wasn't entirely in the land of the living. "Get better okay?"

Jonas let go of Daniel. He thought of home.

The smell of barbecueing meat wafted through the air and the sounds of mingling guests could be heard not far away. Jonas smiled up at the sky as the sun shone down on him and warmed him all over.

"Boxing?"

Jonas nodded as he stared up at the sky. "Yeah."

"Were you any good?"

"By good, do you mean getting hit and falling over a lot?" Jonas asked.

"No."

Jonas smiled. "Ah. In that case, no. I wasn't very good at all."

Daniel laughed. "What else did they teach you?"

"Well, Sam taught me how to pick a lock. How to ask people out without looking like, in Colonel O'Neill's words, a total dork. How to make a soufflé. Actually, Sam and I did a lot of things together."

There was silence. Jonas turned his head to the side to look at Daniel who was smiling. "That's not what I meant."

Jonas turned his attention to the clouds again, feeling Daniel's fingers playing with his hair. He closed his eyes and let the sun warm his face, calm settling over him. When nothing horrific flashed in front of his eyes, Jonas opened them with relief.

The fingers disappeared from Jonas' hair and he felt Daniel's knuckles graze his face and then his fingers pulled it over so they were facing each other again. Daniel leaned in and gently kissed him. The kiss deepened and they found their hands buried in each other's sweaters, legs tangled in the confined space of Jack's rooftop retreat. Daniel pulled away and Jonas grinned.

"Uh... thank you?" Jonas said.

Daniel smiled. "You're welcome."

Laughing, Jonas leaned towards Daniel and met his lips when Daniel lowered his head. It was a slow, languid kiss, warm and sweet and ending in a sad sigh.

"You don't have to leave," Daniel said, his voice soft, a small smile that always seemed to be playing on his lips. "You could stay."

Jonas sighed and sat up, bringing up his knees and resting his arms on them. He could hear Daniel sitting up to lean against the wall of the small enclosure, watching him. Waiting for an answer that was different to the usual.

"I don't know, Daniel," Jonas said hanging his head.

"Well, that's a definite improvement on your last answer."

Jonas laughed quietly and shook his head. "Aahh, I dunno. It's harder to think around you."

Daniel nudged Jonas' thigh with the tip of his boot. Jonas' hand came down and grabbed Daniel's foot, playfully rocking it back and forth.

"Stay," Daniel said.

"Daniel..."

"Stay. We'll have fun," Daniel said. "We'll have dirty, filthy archeological fun. We'll make cross-cultural jokes that nobody but us will understand. We'll... buy more fish." Daniel started to laugh and Jonas joined in.

"I dunno, Doctor Jackson. I'm not sure if I'm ready to raise fish with anyone," Jonas said.

"Okay. Could we eat the fish together? I mean, that wouldn't be too bad," Daniel's tone was serious.

"Hey, don't even joke about the fish. I love them way more than you."

Jonas hand stilled and he let go of Daniel's foot, going back to sitting with arms on knees and chin resting on arms.

"Can I make an overblown gesture that might make you reconsider?" Daniel asked. Jonas chuckled in response.

"I'm being serious. According to Jack, I have a penchant for launching into song all the time."

Jonas grinned to himself. "Colonel O'Neill told you that?"

"Yes. He's been very open with anecdotes," Daniel said.

"Like?"

"Uh, well, let's see. According to him I'm a very big curling fan and still owe him fifty dollars for a bet I lost. I also went into Sam's lab once and accidentally spilt my Diet Coke into an experiment that made her lab smell of rotten eggs for a week. Jack suggested I should fess up since she never found out who was responsible. He also said I'm a fan of Mad magazine and used to store all my old copies in his office and might want to again."

Jonas laughed and turned back to see the big smile on Daniel's face. "You believe any of it?"

"Not. A. Word," Daniel said.

Jonas nodded. "He's glad you're back. He took it really hard, when you... went away."

"How could you tell?"

"Well, it was mostly by the way I could hear his teeth grinding every time I walked into a room."

"He doesn't hate you," Daniel said. "He's a complicated guy."

Jonas nodded, his eyes on the wooden floor. "It's okay, I get it."

"He told me-"

"That I'm a good man," Jonas said smiling. "I know. You told me."

"Well, I'm sure he meant it. I don't remember everything, but I know Jack's the kind of man that doesn't say something unless he means it."

Jonas gave a nod of agreement. "I know."

"If you're worried that your decision to stay might not go down to well with him-"

"Daniel. I want to go home," Jonas said evenly. "This was never home. I was always going to be the outsider. The other guy. The guy that moved into Daniel Jackson's office. The guy that took Daniel Jackson's place on the team. I came here because it was a way to help my people. To make sure your... death, wasn't for nothing. I don't need to do that anymore."

Daniel forced a smile and looked down at his hands. "Well, you'll be missed," Daniel said quietly. "Whether you believe it or not."

"I'll miss being here," Jonas said.

Daniel looked up as though he'd suddenly thought of something. "There's a way you can actually get around that."

"Would it have to do with not leaving Earth?"

"How did you guess?"

"I used to be psychic. Sometimes it still kicks in," Jonas said with a grin.

"Aah," Daniel said.

Jonas looked around the enclosure they were sitting in and then at Daniel, a small sigh escaping him because the day was going to be at an end soon. Then the night would be over. Then morning would have him on Kelownan ground again. He wanted to go home, but already he was beginning to miss the place that had been home for a year.

"What?" Daniel asked.

"I've... left a little something for you in the office."

Daniel raised his eyebrows. "You have? It's not anything rude is it?"

Jonas laughed. "No. Though the thought did cross my mind. I knew that you'd be the only person that would understand a dirty joke written by the Ancients."

"It's not a talent I like to boast about."

"No, of course not," Jonas said shifting to lean against the wall opposite Daniel. "I uh, I left you my journals. I figure since I spent a whole year reading yours, you should get the chance to-"

"Be punished equally?" Daniel asked quietly, his eyes fixed on Jonas.

Jonas gave an embarrassed smile. "Something like that."

"Thank you," Daniel said with a nod. "And... you read my journals?"

Jonas felt warmth spread across his face as he smiled. "You weren't using them anymore?"

Daniel laughed. "Right."

Jonas sank into thought for a moment. "Do you think Colonel O'Neill would be angry if he found out we were making out on top of his roof?"

Daniel grinned and shifted onto his knees so he could pull Jonas towards him. "Oh please," he said before kissing Jonas, "Like he wouldn't use it for the same thing."

"Hey, Daniel? Feed my fish?"

Daniel nodded and Jonas turned to go. Near the event horizon, he paused a moment and then turned to look back a final time. He saw SG-1 there and took a mental snapshot. A memory he wouldn't have to run from. Turning away, he stepped forward and through the gate.

Home.

II.

Daniel was standing at the bottom of the ramp, watching the shimmering of the event horizon. It felt as though the gate had opened hours ago, yet no one had stepped through. His heart was nervously hammering away, his arms crossed over his chest to keep it from hammering its way out. He tried not to look too pleased at the impending arrival, but it was hard.

Then Jonas stepped out of the gate and onto the ramp. Daniel looked up and nodded with a smile. Jonas offered the same acknowledgement as he walked down the ramp. Stepping onto the ground he held his hand out to Daniel, his other hand patting Daniel's arm. Daniel relaxed with the warmth that spread through him as Jonas smiled and held his hand tight.

"Welcome back," Daniel said as their hands dropped back to their sides and into their pockets.

Jonas gave a nod and grin. "Thanks, though I wish it could have been in better circumstances."

Daniel frowned. "Bad news?"

Jonas' brow went up as he nodded. "Yeah. It's bad. It's why we need your help."

Daniel gave a brief and casual look around the gate room where there were too many eyes for his liking and not enough space for saying things he wanted to say. Things like, 'I missed you' or things like 'you look good'. So he forced a smile that he was sure Jonas saw through, because the new smile on Jonas' face was just as transparent.

"Everyone's waiting in the briefing room," Daniel said.

"Lead the way," Jonas replied.

Daniel quelled the disappointment that came from such a dissatisfying reunion and gestured to go with a tilt of his head. They walked in silence and Daniel attempted no small talk because if he couldn't say what he wanted, all other words suddenly seemed pointless.

The briefing was interesting. Jonas' world was on the verge of blowing up into smithereens. Was it wrong to feel a slight satisfaction? Because that's what Daniel felt for a split second. He remembered now, much more than had he expected to remember. He remembered the test that went wrong. He remembered that single moment where things like consequences or death hadn't occurred to him. His hand had automatically gone to his gun and suddenly he was jumping through that window. The Kelownans had made him into a criminal as he lay dying in the SGC. They didn't care about the potential they had to self-destruct. They didn't care about their own scientists; their own people. So of course they didn't give a damn about him.

But there was one Kelownan in the briefing room now that gave a damn about a lot of things. He had left his people. Dared to try and clear Daniel's name. Not only that; he had stolen from his own people. Then he had stayed at the SGC to redeem himself for a crime he hadn't committed. Daniel watched Jonas closely as he spoke about the Naquadriah that now sat under the land, waiting to annihilate his people.

For a small interesting moment, Daniel imagined Kelowna being blown sky high by that one thing they had valued so much. That would be a good enough reason for Jonas to stay on Earth. Daniel wanted to laugh at himself for the thought. Even the morally grounded could stray. Emotions were a powerful persuader.

Daniel watched all the way through the briefing. Jonas had changed... evidently. He looked good in Kelownan clothes, but it was also more than apparent that someone had dressed him. Significant others always assumed they could dress you better than you could dress yourself. Sha're was forever picking robes she thought suited Daniel. He had always gone back to the most frayed and comfortable. Daniel wondered who it was. What they looked like. And when it stung like a fresh cut, he discarded the line of thought.

Jonas looked concerned and worried and Daniel told himself that the thoughts racing through his mind were not appropriate for the occasion. He wasn't supposed to be sitting there thinking about slowly unzipping that interesting jacket and then pushing it off Jonas' shoulders, down his arms. He wasn't supposed to be thinking about soft kisses that turned hard and ravenous. He wasn't supposed to be hearing sighs of contentment, thirst quenched. He was supposed to be listening. Something about the Naquadriah. Still with the Naquadriah. What the hell was going on with Jonas' hair? Actually, he looked good. Or maybe to Daniel, he always looked good. A breath of fresh air. A very up and energetic breath of fresh air. One whose lips were shining with wetness as he spoke urgently. Lips that could be soft. Lips that could be hard.

And the thin jacket. Daniel knew what was under there and he couldn't help but remember it. He couldn't help but feel the last night they had been together before Jonas returned to Kelowna. It had been hurried and ungraceful and their bones had ached afterwards. They bit and bruised each other, clung to each other and drove hard into each other's bodies. Tenderness was sweet and fleeting, but pain was always remembered. Each bruise, bite, scratch and sore muscle said, 'he was here'.

"...it's going to explode with enough force to obliterate Kelowna," Jonas said with the utmost seriousness.

Daniel resisted the urge to close his eyes and grimace and instead found his hand curling into a tight fist as he looked up at Jonas.

"Well, as long as it's not anything serious," Jack said flatly, earning reproving glances from everyone. Daniel tried not to smile. Post-ascension, everything just seemed to have a strange and funny glow. Almost everything made him smile. Especially Jack's unwillingness to accept the seriousness of a situation.

General Hammond glared at Jack and Jack gave a small apologetic smile. So Kelowna was on the brink of obliteration. Of course the SGC would help. No doubt someone would come up with a suicidal and insanely dangerous plan to help the Kelownans.

"In the meantime, if there's no solution to this, we need to find alternative options. Relocating your people being a priority," General Hammond's voice slowly infiltrated the static of Daniel's brain.

Daniel sank back into thought as Sam and the General fell into a conversation of options and ideas. Teal'c was listening attentively and Jack was rubbing a spot on the table, a frown etched on his face. Daniel turned to look at Jonas and caught him staring.

Jonas gave a small clamped smile and Daniel mirrored it. It was a silent communication. It was hello and nice to see you. It was missed you and want you. It was this situation sucks. Daniel sighed and returned his attention to the conversation. It seemed in his mental absence, it had been decided that Sam, being the natural choice, would first go and check out the damage and perhaps then come up with a miracle. Meanwhile, the rest of them would stay at the SGC, out of her way and exercising their diplomatic muscles.

Daniel turned to look at Jack. Jack's eyes were closed in some kind of despair. The man had no problem running around a Columbian jungle after terrorists and Goa'uld devices, yet the word diplomacy seemed to make him wither away. Daniel resisted the urge to smile again.

"Is there a problem, Colonel?" General Hammond asked, knowing full well that there was a problem.

Jack seemed to think about it. "Would my answer in any way influence what side of the gate I get to be on in regards to the Kelownans?"

General Hammond's expression was so dry it made every desert in the universe seem like an ideal place for a swim. "None whatsoever."

Jack smiled an irritatingly peppy smile. "In that case... problem? Of course not. As you're well aware, Sir, I thrive on the diplomatic aspects of my job."

This time everyone caved into suppressed smiles, except for General Hammond who looked like a fed up parent that just couldn't get the kid to stop acting up.

General Hammond dismissed them all. Sam was to gear up, Jonas was to contact his people, Jack was to go to the commissary and Teal'c was naturally to accompany him.

General Hammond accompanied Jonas to the control room as everyone disappeared down their own paths for the immediate future. Daniel got up last and shoved his hands into his pockets as he went to stand in front of the window. The gate was already dialing up to contact the Kelownans. Daniel counted the chevrons one by one as they lit up and locked. He marveled at the wormhole thrusting out for a brief moment before the gate contained it.

He stood and watched in silence, just staring and reorganizing the jumble of memories that were sometimes crisp and clear and other times like fuzzy images.

There were groups of images. Images of childhood, unclear and silent. Never really bothering him, or demanding that he remember. So he filed them away at the back. Then there were images of before the SGC. Fuzzy images, but crisp feelings of frustration and anger. They didn't bother him. They were more like an annoying itch that once scratched didn't bother you again.

Then there were images of desert. Many images. Album upon album of desert images. Laughter in the night. Joyous and raucous laughter. Strange and highly string music or the beating of homemade drums. Sand under his feet. Sand in his hair. The gilded wall of cartouches under his fingers. The taste of Sha're's lips under moonlight. He could still feel her. Only he was sure that once upon a time he couldn't think of her without hurting, the burden of her death too great. And though guilt never perished, he thought of her and it made him smile. It made him warm.

Then there were memories of being a part of SG-1. Happy times. Sad times and the times that filled the space in between. He remembered an acute sense of failure and sadness. He hadn't achieved anything. He couldn't save anyone. The future had seemed empty and pointless. Oma took him away from it.

Now he was back, the memory of ascension was like a slab of Swiss cheese. A combination of substance and holes. There was never a full picture. The strongest memories were the most recent. Memories of waking naked and without a name. Living a simple life with simple, but good people. Of meeting strange people that said they were his friends. Of coming home and remembering it was home. Of a sudden elation in the middle of one night where he realized, it was home. A part of him had never left. It had remained tied and wanted home more than ever.

Home was watching that large ring of rock building pathways into the universe.

The gate shut down. Jonas Quinn, thought Daniel. Another man that was out to prove he could fight the good fight. That he feared nothing. That he took risks. It didn't take a genius to figure out why he felt the need to constantly prove himself. Daniel was pretty sure that seeing him burn away from the outside in must have been motivation enough. Most of the time, you slept with a guy and maybe you called him again. Daniel of course had to be complicated and traumatize the first person he had connected with in a long time. Nothing said 'I love you' quite like scaring the shit out of someone.

Daniel saw the flicker of a reflection in the window. He turned around with a pleased smile to see Jonas standing by the stairs. Daniel gave a nod of his head.

"I'll be going back with Sam in an hour," Jonas said. "I thought maybe we could uh... catch up on what you've been up to."

Daniel saw Jonas shift nervously as General Hammond came up the stairs and nodded amiably at both of them before disappearing into his office.

Both men watched the door to the office close and through the window they could see General Hammond sitting down and picking up the red phone.

Daniel turned back to Jonas who was still looking at the office window. "Coffee?" Daniel asked.

Jonas' head turned swiftly to look at Daniel. He sank into thought and answered after a small silence. "Tea. Kelownan tea sucks."

Daniel felt a fool to think he could steal a few moments alone with Jonas on a base that had so many people. From the control room to the corridor they had to stop at least five times as they bumped into a 'welcome back' or a 'nice to see you again'. It was with silent amusement that Daniel noted the emotions playing across Jonas' face. Surprise, shock and perhaps amusement of his own.

"Don't look so surprised," Daniel said as they headed down a mercifully empty corridor. "You're a popular guy."

Jonas smiled. "Oh."

"They never let on?" Daniel asked.

Jonas gave a small laugh. "Probably. Maybe I'm not very observant."

Daniel glanced at Jonas receiving nothing more than his almost ever-present smile. He detected a change in the man. A slight edge. A seriousness that perhaps wasn't there the first time they had met on Kelowna. Or even the last time they had said goodbye.

Daniel figured it was just the universe doing it's usual round of soul corruption. It was a Faustian pact. You opened the gateway to the heavens and all its knowledge, but you would lose any innocent wonder you may have had for it once. That was the first thing to go when you realized what the Goa'uld were.

Both men rounded the corner and Daniel resisted the urge to just grab Jonas by the arm and hurry him into the elevator. His fingers almost ached with the need to touch. As they walked along, every brief careful glance was loaded with need.

"Hey!"

Daniel withheld a sigh as he turned around to see Jack sauntering towards them with Teal'c beside him.

"We're getting pie. Coming?" Jack asked.

Daniel looked at Jonas who was smiling amiably. "Uh..."

"Perhaps you will join us, Jonas Quinn," Teal'c said with a pleasant smile.

Jonas nodded. "Great. Sure."

"Cool," Jack said. "Daniel?"

Daniel smiled, his lips clamped together and holding back a yell of frustration. He gave a consenting nod not trusting his voice.

The four of them made their way to the commissary, Jack quipping and wisecracking and raising Teal'c's eyebrows numerous times. Jonas smiled amiable smiles, polite smiles, amused smiles and smiles that Daniel could tell weren't real. Smiles that were masks.

In the commissary, there were more greetings that Jonas seemed to take in his stride, though his jaw seemed to clench once or twice. Daniel imagined it was hard to reconcile the fact that while Jonas had been a part of the SGC, there were those who may have hated him and now that he was no longer there, finally, he was being welcomed. It had to hurt.

They talked about Kelowna and politics. They talked about Jonas' more valuable and appreciated position among the Kelownans. They talked about Naquadriah deposits and power hungry Goa'uld. Daniel participated and commented. He listened and nodded. But all the time, his skin itched, the cloth against it burning and oppressive. His face felt warm as if under a bright hot light. His hands seemed to ache. And all the while, Jonas sat calmly talking and listening without any idea that the man next to him was dying to say 'don't leave, stay.'

"So, miss the place?" Jack asked.

Jonas looked away at the ceiling for a moment and smiled. "Yeah. I do, actually."

Jack nodded. That was it. Just a nod. No reciprocating remarks. Daniel wanted to kick him.

"Your absence is also felt greatly, Jonas Quinn," Teal'c said. Daniel's urge to kick Jack passed.

Jonas nodded and smiled, though his eyes said there was no smile. "Right."

Daniel looked at Jack and waited until Jack looked up and caught the gaze. It was a short moment of contact, a millisecond perhaps, but Jack got the point. The man was way sharper than he'd ever let on.

"Teal'c's right," Jack said. "You know, you've got a place here anytime you want to come back."

Jonas gave a nod. "I appreciate that, Colonel."

Jack waved his hand. "Drop the Colonel. It's Jack."

Jonas didn't smile. Not an amiable smile. Not a polite smile. Not a smile for every occasion. He looked taken aback. So this was his real face, Daniel thought and realized he didn't really know much about the man after all. Why the smile? Why hide everything behind it?

There was more talk until an airman arrived and told Jonas that Sam was ready to head to Kelowna. Jonas got up and nodded at everyone, wishing them good luck with the forthcoming diplomatic effort. Then he left. As Teal'c and Jack fell into a new discussion, Daniel turned around and watched Jonas leave. Jonas got to the door and glanced back over his shoulder. He smiled as he left. It seemed real.

A morning spent with the delegates from Jonas' home world and Daniel had come to one definite conclusion. Diplomacy was a bitch. Jack had said his bit and bailed, Teal'c following his example. Now it was up to Daniel to make them see sense.

It wasn't working.

Typically human, they couldn't see past their own histories. They were focused only on blame and accusation. It wasn't about saving lives. It was about winning a game. Worlds differed, politics remained the same.

It made Daniel angry. There was nothing worse than trying to save people that couldn't see the danger from behind their own pettiness.

Saving lives wasn't supposed to be difficult. It was the simple decision of distinguishing right from wrong. Daniel had done it. He had done it without thinking. His hand had reached for his gun and before he could register his own actions, bullets were shattering glass and Daniel was throwing his body into the next room. Then there was nothing but pain for hours. Excruciating and unending pain.

"Daniel?"

Daniel's head snapped up to see Jack looking down at him with obvious concern. Daniel stared wordlessly, his body trembling and his heart beating loudly in his chest. Jack frowned at him and cupped his shoulder.

"You okay?"

Daniel looked around his office, wide-eyed and disoriented. The monitor in front of him had switched off and the coffee next to the keyboard had grown cold.

He closed his eyes and sighed. Waking dreams were the worst. Dreams that had no form, but full sensation. Sometimes his flesh remembered things he didn't and it was like living in the body of a ghost.

Daniel nodded and offered a smile. "I'm okay, I was just..."

Daniel trailed off and was thankful when Jack didn't prompt him to finish. Instead, he grabbed a stool and placed it by the worktop where Daniel sat. Jack's movements were slow, laid back and nonchalant as if he was about to ask Daniel about 'the game'. Such a ruse. Look disinterested and people will tell you everything; Jack knew this full and well.

"So... how's it all going?"

Daniel gave Jack a clipped gaze. "I thought you'd had enough."

"Oh I did. Do not doubt that for a minute," Jack said with an emphatic raise of the eyebrows. "I was just talking to Teal'c is all."

Daniel cleared his throat and went back to the computer, a touch of one key bringing the screen back to life. "Oh?"

"Yeah," Jack said, picking up a scrunched up wrapper. "He said something interesting."

Daniel smiled as he typed. "Does he ever say anything that isn't interesting?"

Jack rolled the scrunched up wrapper into a small ball of cellophane and placed it on the worktop's surface, proceeding to flick it across the room. "He said it must be weird for you helping the Kelownans, after what happened."

Daniel tried to think of something to write, to make it seem as though his train of thought was unaffected. But his fingers stilled and he ended up just staring at the screen, a vertical line blinking in wait for him to resume normality.

Daniel nodded. "Yeah. Weird... weird is about right."

Daniel looked away from the screen and at Jack. Jack's eyes were peering into him, reading every line and turning every page. He was waiting for an answer even though Daniel knew he wouldn't ask any questions.

"I'm fine," Daniel said with a nod of affirmation. "Really. This isn't about me. It's about the..."

Daniel stopped because Jack was smiling. A knowing smile that said, 'it's always about someone else.'

Daniel looked away at the keyboard, his eyes going to recent chocolate crumbs between the keys. "I don't blame anyone for what happened. I just..."

"Get pissed off by the fact that they learned absolutely nothing?" Jack drawled.

Daniel thought for a moment. How much did it matter to him that he had lost his life for people that had tried to declare him a criminal? From this point of view and at this point in time? Not much. Things happened. Life was about moving on.

"They need our help," Daniel said quietly.

Jack's gaze was intense and Daniel felt like looking away. "See, this is what I don't get. They were happily going to let you take the fall for something that wasn't your fault. You helped them and they screwed you over." Jack shook his head. "And now you're happy to help."

Daniel nodded. "I don't blame anyone. We all have our own paths to follow."

Jack smiled as he got up from the stool. "Is that Daniel Jackson talking or Oma?"

Daniel laughed. "Maybe it's a little of both."

Jack shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. "Well, try not to offend them too much. That's is my job after all."

Daniel smiled and gave a nod as Jack turned to leave.

"Jack?"

Jack turned around and raised his eyebrows. "Yeah?"

"Thank you," Daniel said.

Jack frowned. "For what?"

Where did he start? For taking him on that first night back from Abydos when he was wandering the SGC corridors, alone and lost. For holding him when he was falling apart from addiction. For promising to find Sha're. For trying. For trusting him when he didn't feel like listening. And probably most importantly, for letting him go. It seemed the man who looked as though he never listened, listened when it counted the most.

"Jonas," Daniel replied. "I think it means a lot."

Jack nodded. "No problem. He's a good guy."

Jack threw Daniel a look, like something was on his mind and he would reveal it, but Jonas chose that moment to walk in. He walked a few steps in, saw Jack and stopped in his tracks.

"Sorry, I'm interrupting," Jonas said.

"No," Daniel said, regretting the eagerness with which he had just spoken, earning an amused look from Jack. "Jack and I were just talking."

Jonas nodded. He looked tired. Annoyed.

"How'd it go?" Jack asked, turning towards Jonas. "You and Carter get anywhere?"

Jonas' face seemed to drop, his eyes looking weary.

"What?" Daniel asked.

Jonas shook his head. "We did it to ourselves. It's all our own fault. The Naquadah conversion's not occurring naturally. It's because of the testing."

Daniel tried not to look too horrified.

"We're standing on a time bomb we're responsible for," Jonas said.

Daniel opened his mouth to object, but unexpectedly, Jack jumped in first. "What's with the 'we'? You can't be responsible for the actions of idiots in higher places."

Jonas looked at Jack sighed. "I know that, but I can't help thinking that maybe I could've done something..."

Jack rolled his eyes. "It's like a disease with you two. Get it through your heads. You can't fix everything." Jack sighed. "I'm outta here. Way too much idealism in this place."

Jonas nodded to Jack as he left. When he looked back at Daniel, blue eyes were already on him. They must have stared at each other for what seemed like infinity. Both didn't move from their places. Neither spoke. The only thing connecting them was an unbreakable gaze. It was if the space between them had been swallowed and they stood a breath apart.

When Daniel got up from his stool, the steel legs scraped on the ground and it could have been the sound of thunder splitting through holy silence. Jonas' feet finally moved and stepped towards Daniel.

"Hey," Sam said walking into the office.

Both men looked at her simultaneously, Jonas startled slightly and Daniel taking a step back to lean against his worktop.

"Hey," Daniel said. "Coffee? I was just going to make some."

Sam smiled. "Uh, no. Actually, we have to get back. Ready?"

Jonas smiled and nodded at Sam. "Yeah. I'm ready."

"How are the talks going?" Sam asked.

Daniel gave a tight smile.

"Bad?" Sam asked.

"Well, we're not getting anywhere fast at the moment. But that might change. I hope," Daniel said folding his arms across his chest.

"Well... better you than me," Sam said. "Good luck."

Sam gave Daniel a teasing smile and left. Jonas looked at Daniel as if he was bursting to say something. His mouth opened wordlessly and ended in an expelled breath.

"Go," Daniel said gently.

Jonas nodded and left the office. Daniel turned around with disappointment and put his finger on the hard edge of a book on the worktop and flipped it open. Rubbing his finger across the words on the page he let his shoulders sag.

So much for reunions.

That's what you get for dickin' around.

Wise words. If only Daniel had figured out the art of diplomacy like Jack, life would be less complicated.

The delegates were with General Hammond in his office, offering a great many thanks for the help of the Tau'ri. Yadda yadda. Now that everything was back to normal, no doubt they would return to their scheduled political bickering. People didn't change, not unless something big happened to them. Like dying or ascending. It gave you a better sense of humor about life for one.

The gate activated and Daniel quickly made his way from the briefing room to the gate room. As he waited by the ramp, he was aware of others filtering in behind him. He suddenly felt foolish as Jack sidled up next to him.

The first to step through the gate was Sam, jacket in hand and disheveled appearance. Next came Teal'c and Jonas, holding up a tall, thin woman between them.

"Major?" Hammond asked from somewhere behind Daniel.

"I'll explain, Sir, but first we need to get Kianna to the infirmary," Sam answered.

There was a half hour of commotion. In this time the young woman was rushed to the infirmary and put into Janet's care. Then there was a rushed explanation about Kianna's help in the mission. Finally, Teal'c, Daniel and Sam left with Hammond and Jack to debrief the delegates. Jonas stayed beind.

Daniel tried not to fidget in the debriefing. He really tried not to look as though he wanted to be somewhere else. It didn't work because Sam touched his arm and asked if he was okay. He explained he was just tired.

He didn't explain what he was tired of.

The briefing dragged on and Janet arrived half way through it to explain both host and symbiote were fighting for their lives. Only one would survive. Getting the Tok'ra to remove the symbiote could kill both. Jonas had sent a request to stay until there was an outcome to Kianna's situation.

Daniel pondered this Kianna person. Sam seemed to be holding something back as she spoke of the woman. Perhaps the reason for Jonas' bedside vigil. The reason for his interesting new look. It almost made Daniel laugh. Jonas' new wardrobe should have alerted him to the fact that he was dating a Goa'uld.

As soon as the thought occurred, guilt reared its ugly head. Daniel had no reason to hate Kianna. The Goa'uld maybe, not Kianna. He and Jonas were ships that passed in the night. Nothing more. Jonas moving on wasn't supposed to sting the way it did.

The briefing ended and Sam left with Janet to go to the infirmary. The delegates joined General Hammond in his office and Daniel was left sitting at the table as Teal'c and Jack got up to leave.

They both turned to leave as Daniel sat back in his chair.

"Daniel?"

Daniel turned in his chair and looked at Jack and Teal'c who were both staring at him. "You alright?" Jack asked.

Daniel nodded calmly. "Yeah.

"You sure you're not having one of those..." Jack pointed his finger at the ceiling, "post ascension moments?"

Daniel smiled. "No. I'm fine. Just a little tired."

"Perhaps you should join us for refreshments in the commissary, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c suggested.

"Uh..." Daniel began an attempt to decline.

"They have pie," Jack offered.

Daniel narrowed his eyes. "Pie?"

"Indeed," Teal'c said with an encouraging smile.

Daniel got up. "What are we waiting for?"

Daniel decided that Jack had caught onto a good thing. Somehow pie had the ability to make reality fade away into something sugary and sweet with a nice fluffy crust.

He sat in the commissary with his friends and ate pie with coffee. Why not go for sensory overload? And even as he thought that, Daniel was sure he was incapable of even a tenth of the sensations that the ascended possessed. If only people knew. The ascended were nothing more than pleasure junkies. When you had no corporeal form, it was easy to become that way. In the middle of the night, Daniel still woke up sweating as he dreamt of being limbless and afloat. It was good to have fingers and hands and limbs and flesh. The pleasures of the flesh were what made you human.

When Teal'c left for kel'no'reem and Jack to finish off paperwork, Daniel found his feet headed towards the infirmary. They led him there against his will, so he had no choice but to follow them. If it were his decision he could quite happily eat more pie and drink more coffee.

The infirmary was quiet and strangely unoccupied. It was odd not seeing someone mid-recuperation. Daniel went on through to the area where all the special cases went. The lovely little isolation room where people could watch you die.

His feet seemed to stumble and his legs stiffen as he approached the room. It made no sense to him. How could a body remember something that hadn't happened to it? Oma had helped him ascend and in that ascension his body had become pure energy. This new body was not the same, perhaps a version, but not the same. Yet, it remembered and feared the room where he died.

Daniel walked in looking casual yet not too nonchalant, hands in pockets. Janet stood looking at a clipboard at the foot of Kianna's bed. Daniel looked at the sick woman, her face pallid and covered with a sheen of sweat. An oxygen mask obscured some of her face, but Daniel could see she was an attractive young woman.

"How's she doing?" Daniel asked, as he looked over Janet's shoulder and at the clipboard, not that much of the scrawls meant anything.

Janet looked at Daniel and gave a smile tinged with disappointment? Tiredness? Something.

"Not too good I'm afraid. Both Kianna and the symbiote are weak. It means that rather than the symbiote helping to heal Kianna it's actually stopping her from getting better. Sam talked to the Tok'ra, but they said extracting the symbiote would probably kill it. It might kill Kianna too," Janet said.

Daniel sighed and looked at Kianna as he folded his arms across his chest. Another casualty of the Goa'uld. Everything they touched turned to shit. The universe could only benefit if that species was wiped out.

Janet gave Daniel another smile and squeezed his arm before walking off.

Daniel gave the room a quick look, frowning in confusion that Jonas wasn't there.

Then he got a strange buzzing feeling up his spine. His skin felt chilled and a strange hollow sensation filled his stomach.

Daniel turned around and looked up at the window of the observation room. Jonas was standing behind it and staring right at Daniel, his eyes fixed and his face drawn.

Daniel stared back. He remembered his own death. He remembered Jack, Teal'c and Sam at his beside offering words that sadly at the time meant nothing because he was going to die and nothing was going to change that.

He also remembered a ghost standing behind glass. He was sure it was imagined. Jonas watching him die. Watching him ascend, alone in the observation room. He was sure it hadn't really happened. But seeing him there now made him wonder. It made him ache.

He felt a pang of guilt for the Kelownan. It couldn't have been easy, any of it. Daniel smiled.

Jonas looked as though he hadn't expected that. He sighed and looked down from the observation room with a sad smile.

Daniel had only just thought of going up there to talk to Jonas when he saw Sam enter the room. She saw Jonas' gaze and followed his eyes into the isolation room. Seeing Daniel, she raised her hand. Daniel nodded back and turned slightly so he could watch Kianna and just about see Sam and Jonas from the corner of his eye.

Sam's face was all sympathy and comfort as she spoke. Daniel knew they were both looking into the room and he knew that Jonas was stealing glances at him. When Jonas sat down and Sam sat down next to him, Daniel left the room.

Daniel was halfway home when his errant foot slammed down on the brake pedal. He wondered for a moment if the ascended re-corporealized people with old body parts. His original feet never went against his will. He really wasn't in the mood for a Jacob's Ladder situation.

Daniel turned the car around and headed back towards the base. It would do wonders for his geek reputation. The man that not only spent most of his time at work, but also left late and then came in early too. About twelve hours early.

Daniel got more looks than usual as he walked down the corridor in civilian clothes. What did they think about him when they looked at him? The man who died a lot? The man who opened the gate and invited the Goa'uld in? The man whose wife became a Goa'uld goddess? The man whose ex-girlfriend became a Goa'uld god? The man who spent some good quality time with the destroyer of worlds? The man who helped Hathor spawn a few more Goa'uld?

The man who didn't have much luck with women?

Daniel rapped his knuckles on the door of the VIP room. No answer. His brain said to turn around and leave, since Jonas was probably still in the infirmary. Daniel's hand ignored all commands of falling back and opened the door.

The room was empty, the light on. There was an open steel case on the bed with clothes in it. Not a Jonas in sight.

Daniel turned to leave, to go home and go to bed. Not to go to the infirmary or back to his office. He didn't care where his feet wanted to take him or what his hands wanted to touch. He was going home.

Only now, Jonas stood in the doorway and Daniel's whole body had failed him. For a moment both men just stared at each other in surprise. Daniel opened his mouth to speak, found no words, gave up and laughed. Jonas smiled. He gave a discreet look over his shoulder, into the empty corridor. Then he turned back to see Daniel. Waiting.

Jonas slowly stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. Two strides covered the ground between them and in one second they were entangled in a feverish kiss. Daniel's hands were framing Jonas' face and his teeth biting at his mouth. Meanwhile, Jonas was pushing off Daniel's jacket, his body pushing Daniel back towards the bed.

Daniel fell back onto the bed as Jonas pulled off his jacket and threw it to the ground. Daniel lay back and watched as Jonas climbed onto the bed, pushing off the steel case and letting it thump to the ground. He fell on top of Daniel, his hands burying themselves in the sheets either side of the other man's head as they kissed. Daniel's hands climbed under Jonas' shirt and up his back, his fingers curling against the warm skin. Daniel brought his leg up and around Jonas', pushing him onto his back and grinding his body into the pliant form under him.

Daniel's lips pulled away slowly as he tried to catch his breath. Jonas was looking up at him, equally breathless. His hand came up to Daniel's face and took off the glasses, placing them on the nearby pillow.

The next kiss was slower and softer. The next touch was an exploration rather than greedy, needy touch. The only sounds in the room were of bodies moving against the sheets, moving on the bed, almost silent moans and the catching of breath.

They were hungry, but there was a need to make it all last. To have something their bodies would remember when they would part. Both men lay awkwardly on the bed, their feet hanging off the side as they managed to partially undress, moving items of clothing out of the way rather than removing them altogether. Daniel lay on top of Jonas, braced on one arm, moving slowly against him as Jonas moved up to meet each thrust, his face flushed and his eyes unable to open, his fingers burning Daniel's skin where he touched under the half-opened shit.

Both came with muffled gasps, Daniel's face buried in the crook of Jonas' neck. He collapsed on top as his heartbeat slowed, his eyes closing against Jonas' skin.

Realizing he was pinning Jonas to the bed, he moved off and onto his side, muttering a, "Sorry."

Jonas turned his face towards Daniel and smiled.

Daniel couldn't help but smile back. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Jonas' lips before getting up and disappearing into the bathroom.

When he returned, Jonas had changed into a pair of dark brown pants and was pulling on a fitted beige shirt. His other clothes lay in a pile by the bed.

Daniel grinned.

"What?" Jonas asked as he buttoned the shirt.

"Little style change?"

Jonas' laughed, his cheeks still flushed pink. "Uh... yeah. Maybe a little one."

"You look good," Daniel said with a smile.

Jonas rolled his eyes. "Sure."

"I mean it. You look... uh... hip, I believe is the word," Daniel said, the twinkle in his eyes giving away the teasing.

"I think you're making fun of me Doctor Jackson," Jonas said as Daniel walked over towards him and leaned forward to kiss him.

"So..." Daniel said as he pulled away and Jonas straightened the collar of his shirt.

"So?" Jonas asked.

"So you and Kianna. Something tells me that's not working out," Daniel said dryly.

Jonas appeared weary as he sat down on the edge of the bed, and looked up at Daniel.

"Want to talk?"

"Why?" Jonas answered.

Daniel shrugged. "I dunno. I hear it's what some people do after sex."

Jonas laughed and Daniel sat down on the bed next to him so their legs touched.

"Sam said you and Kianna had a thing. That maybe it was serious," Daniel said quietly.

Jonas fell back on the bed, arms folding behind his head. He stared up at the ceiling, his body relaxed. Daniel resisted the urge grab the man and wrestle him out of his clothes.

"I thought it might get serious," Jonas said quietly. "That was before I found out she was a Goa'uld."

"She's still in there, Jonas. The Goa'uld say nothing of the host remains, but it's a lie. She's still in there."

Jonas shook his head. "You don't understand. I never really knew Kianna at all. The Goa'uld was inside her before we met. It was never the host."

Daniel stared, speechless. His mouth opened, but words failed him. What could you say to that?

When Daniel said nothing, Jonas looked at Daniel. "She helped us out of there. We would have died without her help."

"That must be confusing," Daniel offered.

"You know, I could believe she helped us to help herself. To help Baal, but she told us to leave her behind. She could have died. So... it goes against what we know about the Goa'uld."

"And add to that the fact that you have feelings for her."

"No. I can't. No matter what she did down there. I thought she was someone else. I don't even know who Kianna is."

Daniel gave a small smile. "Well, you might get a second chance at getting to know her."

Jonas closed his eyes. "I don't think that would be a good idea."

Daniel lay down next to Jonas. "Well. You could always go back home and find a nice guy."

Jonas' head turned to face Daniel. "I'd make you come with me if it were that simple."

Daniel pushed the small flashes of memory to the back of his mind. Small flashes of pain and death. "Uh, I dunno. Me and Kelowna," Daniel said with a grimace.

Something flickered in Jonas' eyes, but it was too quick for Daniel to pick up. He guessed it was simply Jonas' own ghosts.

"Of course, you could always stay on Earth," Daniel proposed.

Jonas looked at Daniel far too long and hard, a sad expression on his face. Then he smiled. "I don't think I could."

Daniel sighed. "Right. So, let's recap. You can't stay here and I can't stay on Kelowna. It's a good thing we're not dating. We'd never agree on who gets to stay over where."

Jonas moved closer and lay a brief kiss on Daniel's lips. "I missed you."

Daniel nodded. "I missed you too. So did your fish."

Jonas grinned. "You can tell?"

"Sure. Trust me. I'm an archaeologist."

Jonas laughed. They both lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and Daniel realized how much he missed the non-activity of simply being with someone.

"So now what?" Daniel asked.

"I suppose we couldn't just stay like this," Jonas said.

"Not unless I'm in the mood to confirm all the rumors of the SGC," Daniel said flatly.

"There are rumors?"

"Please," Daniel said dryly. "You look at a wall too long in this place, there are rumors."

Daniel heard a sigh from Jonas and looked across to see that he had closed his eyes. Watching him, Daniel suddenly felt annoyed by the dim claustrophobia of the room. So much for reunions. Playing hide and seek was irritating. Watching people leave was hard and yearning for just a few moments alone with someone was tiring. Daniel got up and he watched Jonas' eyes snap open to look at him in confusion.

"What?" Jonas asked.

Daniel headed towards the door. "I've got an idea."

"You sure this is okay?"

"Yes. I'm sure."

"What did General Hammond say when you asked him?"

"He asked me why I was on base so late."

"What did you say?"

"I asked him why he was on base so late."

"Can't argue with that."

"Yeah. That's what he said," Daniel said with a grin.

Daniel glanced across to see Jonas smile and then put his eyes ahead as he drove swiftly down the road from the mountain. It was a pleasant night, the air cool, the moon full and the road clear of traffic. Daniel reached towards the radio to turn it on. Jonas' hand stopped him, curling around his fingers.

"Don't," he said quietly. "I like it like this."

Daniel curled his hand inwards and gave Jonas' fingers a squeeze before it returned to the steering wheel. They drove in silence, which for the most part was comfortable. But as they neared their destination, Daniel glanced across at Jonas a few times. He seemed lost in thought, his eyes fixed ahead and his body almost slumped back against the seat. Daniel brought the car to a stop outside his house, undoing his seatbelt. Jonas was still staring ahead.

"What?" Daniel asked as he turned towards Jonas.

Jonas didn't snap out of his thoughts instantly. He remained lost for a few moments before a frown replaced the blank expression. Daniel could see the hesitancy when he spoke.

"It's hard being with other people," he said flatly.

Daniel shook his head with a frown. "Because of...?"

Jonas shrugged. "You. The fact that I spent a whole year on Earth and saw things most Kelownans will never see. The fact it's not so easy going back when you've experienced so much. The fact that you see your people in a different way." Jonas turned to look at Daniel then with a small smile. "Mostly you."

Daniel didn't want to say anything. He felt his throat constricting and he knew his voice would come out wrong. Perhaps the words would also come out wrong.

"When I met you, you were just someone that was exciting and smart and temporary. After a few days you'd leave and I wouldn't have to hide you from anyone. You were convenient." Jonas shook his head and the incredulous look on his face said he was surprised by what he had just said. "And then... you died."

Daniel chose to remain silent. Jonas' face said that he was saying this for himself as much as for Daniel. Maybe even he didn't know about half of the things that were coming out of his mouth. Whatever it was, Daniel would let him say it.

"I kept thinking it should have been me. I should have died to save my people," Jonas spoke quietly. "I came to Earth hoping I could do something that wouldn't make your death a big waste, because my people sure as hell didn't appreciate what you did. I'm not going to lie about that."

"Jonas," Daniel started with no idea what he was going to say. What could he say? I'm sorry I died? I'm sorry I fucked you once and then fucked you again by dying?

"No, wait. I have to say this before I lose my nerve. Those first few months at the SGC? I hated you. I hated you because you came into my life and turned it upside down. I hated you because of the way everyone at the SGC looked at me. I knew what they were thinking. They were thinking Kelownan murderer," Jonas said, his voice wavering. "I really hated you."

Daniel nodded. He could hate Jonas for saying this now, at a time when words like hate mattered and hurt. At a time where Daniel cared what Jonas thought. But it was hard to hate Jonas when the hurt was still so bright and so apparent in his eyes.

"I hated every word on every page of your journals. And I hated every time your name came up. I hated the way Colonel O'Neill didn't even want to look at me, or the way Sam looked when she saw me in your office for the first time. I hated you for making me hate my own home and people. And you know why I hated you more than anything else?"

Daniel shook his head. "Why?"

"I hate you because that first time we were together, I had wished you wouldn't have to leave. That you'd keep coming back..."

Daniel lunged forward and silenced the whisper that had come out of Jonas' mouth. He was holding Jonas tight and kissing him as if he could just drink away all the misery in the other man's heart. Jonas' fingers were holding onto his shirt and pulling it tight across his back as they kissed, sloppy, wet and needy.

"I'm so sorry," Daniel said breathlessly against Jonas' mouth. "I am so sorry. I wish I could turn it back, but I can't."

Daniel let Jonas kiss him, hungry and angry, teeth on skin. He didn't care if anyone saw. He didn't care if the conservative old couple across the street were scandalized by it. When you spent so much time dying, it was easy to prioritize what mattered.

Jonas pulled away from Daniel had looked straight into his eyes, his voice low when he spoke. "I should hate you, but every time I meet someone... you're right there, in my head. I know I'm not a very observant person, but I think this might mean something."

"Yeah? What?"

"I think it means I like you. A lot," Jonas said, his mouth turning up in a sad smile.

Daniel stared at Jonas and then laughed. "I think... I know exactly what you mean."

"You do?"

Daniel nodded slowly. "Yeah. I do. I kind of liked it when you were around."

"I can't come back," Jonas said with a shake of the head. "Not... right now."

"And I can't leave the SGC," Daniel said, keeping back the to go to Kelowna part.

Jonas gave a nod of agreement. "We don't even know where this is going. If it's going anywhere."

"Well, I'm owed some time off, maybe I could..."

"I'd like that," Jonas said with a grin.

Daniel grinned back. "Well, that's something. Now what?"

Jonas turned in his seat and looked at the house they were parked outside. "That yours?"

Daniel nodded and looked at the house. "Yeah. All mine."

Jonas turned back and looked at Daniel. "Are you going to invite me in?"

Daniel shrugged. "Maybe."

Jonas stared at Daniel, as if waiting. Daniel gave a smug look and got out of the car. He made his way slowly to the front door, hearing a car door shut somewhere behind him. He opened the door and went in without turning around to usher Jonas in. Half way into the living room, he heard the front door shut behind him. Daniel dropped the keys on the coffee table and began to slip out of his jacket. He turned around as his jacket came off and onto the couch. Jonas stood leaning by the front door, watching silently.

Daniel began to turn away.

"No guided tour?" Jonas asked.

Turning back, Daniel smiled. "No," he said softly.

Turning away from Jonas and without putting any lights on, Daniel walked down the corridor to his bedroom. He pushed the door open and turned a light on. Taking a deep breath, Daniel sat down on the end of his bed. Whatever this thing was between him and Jonas, it wasn't solved or clear by a longshot. But it was there. Something real and concrete was between them, something that drew them towards each other. Something that was different to the reason that Daniel had been drawn to Jonas for the very first time. There was no clear path for the future and Daniel couldn't help but feel that maybe it was only a matter of time before they would admit that relationships with people that lived light years apart could do nothing but fail. Whether Kianna lived or died, in the next few days, the next day even, they would both have to say goodbye again. It was something that seemed destined to end over and over.

Daniel pushed back the thoughts troubling him. He wouldn't think about it. At least, not until the sun came up.

Jonas walked into the bedroom and closed the door. He didn't look at Daniel as he took his jacket off and laid it on a nearby chair. When he did look, Daniel tilted his head slightly and smiled, feeling a warmth flood his face. Jonas stepped towards the bed and ran his forefinger down Daniel's jaw.

Daniel looked up at Jonas and sighed with contentment.

- the end -