start something

do it...

You didn't look into someone's eyes that long, not without giving away your secrets. They both knew it. They had looked too long and everything was out there. Ford was gripping the defibrillator paddles and staring at Sheppard, the other man staring right back, like he was seeing something new. Even Teyla and McKay were silently watching the two men. Ford's eyes were huge and though Sheppard could tell the man was trying to look determined and strong, he was afraid.

So was Sheppard. He was afraid because Ford's eyes spoke volumes. Sheppard stared and there was an urge to say things he knew you weren't supposed to say. Things like, 'damn, I wish I'd kissed you at least once'.

Sheppard decided there was never a good time to say these things to another guy in this line of work. So he yelled at Ford instead. Ford snapped back into the present and pressed the cold steel of the paddles to Sheppard's chest.

The world was on fire for a millionth of a second before it went black.

should've kissed him - at least once...

whoever said the drugs don't work anymore was whacked...

"I have to say that so far these are my favorite people in this galaxy," McKay announced with an extremely pleased smile. "Close to nature. Happy. Giving."

Sheppard threw a twig into the fire and watched it crackle. "You mean, half-naked, high and horny."

Rodney nodded. "Extremely valuable qualities, Major."

Before Sheppard could provide a definition of the word quality, a scantily clad woman danced over to McKay and took his hand, leading him away to a tent as he looked back and held up a finger to John. "Do you think I should go? I probably should... socializing and everything... right, um, going."

Sheppard laughed to himself as he threw another twig into the fire and cast a look across the village to see Teyla in talks with a tall, well-muscled, man. On the other side of the village was Ford, drinking and smiling at a young man of similar age. Ford looked across and caught Sheppard's eyes. He grinned and gave a nod.

Sheppard watched as Ford said something to the other man, touching his arm and then heading away. He flopped down in front of the fire, drink in hand.

"Where's McKay?" Ford asked, settling down next to Sheppard.

"Getting into Mother Nature's skirt right about now," Sheppard drawled.

Ford grinned, unaware that Sheppard was watching and smiling fondly. "What about Teyla?"

"Teyla's still trying to get a hold of their plant samples," Sheppard said as Ford took a gulp of his drink.

"What about you, Sir?"

Sheppard looked at Ford. "What about me, Lieutenant?"

Ford looked straight at his commanding officer. "Find anything interesting?"

Sheppard's mouth twitched into a characteristic smile. He ignored the question and reached for Ford's drink. Ford smiled and let go.

"What's that you've got there?"

"Local alcoholic smoothie," Ford answered.

Sheppard took a large gulp and grimaced. "Pepto Bismo? You've got to be kidding me. Where'd'you get it?" Sheppard asked as he handed back the drink.

"Olaan," Ford said, nodding to the man he'd been talking to.

"Olaan, huh?" Sheppard said with a nod. "The real friendly guy?"

Ford frowned. "Friendly? They're all friendly."

"I dunno, Ford, good old Olaan looks a little friendlier than the rest."

Ford looked back to Olaan, his eyes dark and unreadable. "Yeah well, it doesn't mean anything."

"I never said it did," Sheppard said surprised at the change in his second in command's demeanor.

"Well, it doesn't," Ford snapped.

"Check the attitude, Lieutenant. I was talking about Olaan, not you."

Ford was staring at the fire, like he was the one causing the flames to whip out towards the sky. Then he turned to Sheppard and the look of rebellion was instantly recognizable.

"So how come you're not off with one of the natives, like McKay?"

Sheppard ignored the accusatory tone of the question. "Not my type really."

Ford raised his eyebrows, amused. "They're not? So what is your type?"

Sheppard was staring at Ford. "Me? Well, blonde. Legs you need a stepladder for. Nice mouth is always a bonus."

Ford was smiling, but the smile looked more like contorted muscles. Sheppard looked away.

Both men quietly stared into the fire, until Sheppard reached across and took Ford's drink, gulping down the remaining amount.

Ford smiled on with amusement. "I thought you didn't like it."

Sheppard wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, his mouth turned down in distaste. "I don't, but it might help me with that rack of alien meat we had earlier on."

"Major Sheppard, Lieutenant Ford," Teyla said as she arrived at the fireside.

Sheppard looked up to see her smiling, hands holding a large wooden crate. "Results?"

"Akash was most generous. I think Dr. Beckett will be pleased," Teyla replied.

"Great," Sheppard said getting up and dusting himself off. "Let's make a move before I experience my evening meal for a second time."

Teyla frowned as Ford also got up. "Where is Dr. McKay?"

Sheppard smiled.

The ride to the Stargate was unbearable. Just when it looked as though McKay was running out of steam, he was back full throttle.

"I mean, would it have killed you to wait five more minutes? She was the most beautiful woman I ever met. We really had something. It could have been love. She could have been the best thing that ever happened to me in my whole life," McKay lamented.

"I thought that was the time you met Leonard Nimoy at a convention," Sheppard said.

"Well, it would've been a close second!" McKay snapped. "She was... amazing,"

"Really?" Sheppard asked. "What was her name?"

"Her name? Hello! Naked lady who liked me!" McKay whined as Ford shot Sheppard a grin.

"Well, if it means anything, Rodney, I'm very sorry," Sheppard said, attempting to sound earnest.

"Thank you, but it means absolutely less than nothing," McKay said sulkily as he sagged in his seat. "Can't believe how lucky I was about to get. She wasn't even high on their sex cocktail. Although, that could've been interesting."

"Sex cocktail?" Ford asked.

McKay sighed. "Horrible drink they were passing out. Couples share it to enhance their mating potential apparently."

Sheppard cast Ford a look. "They do, do they? Teyla, you know anything about this?"

Teyla looked surprised as anyone else. "I do not, though it explains some of the more interesting things I witnessed tonight."

McKay looked across at Teyla. "Really? What kind of interesting things? Naked things?"

"Rodney, is this drink harmful in anyway?"

"What would be the point of that? These people are all about enhancing pleasure," McKay said, followed with another disappointed sigh.

"So, what happens when you do drink it?" Ford asked coolly.

"Well, nothing if you drink it alone. You have to share it for it to work."

Sheppard looked worried. "And by work you mean?"

"Go to the office with a briefcase. What do you think I mean? It probably makes you want to do everything including the kitchen sink. Not that I'll get the chance to find out."

The puddle jumper entered the Stargate and came to a smooth stop on the other side, ascending into the jumper bay a moment later.

McKay stalked out first amidst mutterings of sabotage and Teyla followed with an amused smile. Ford swiveled in his chair and looked at Sheppard.

"I didn't know," he said instantly.

Sheppard looked at him. "Olaan must have known."

Ford looked a little shocked. "You think he wanted-"

"Doesn't matter now, we can kick his ass later," Sheppard said.

"What now? You think maybe we should tell Dr. Beckett?"

Sheppard stared. "I dunno. I'm not really getting any urges to jump you at the moment."

Ford stared back flatly. "That's good. You're not exactly ringing my bell either, Sir."

Sheppard scowled as Ford got up to leave.

Outside, Weir was talking to Teyla as McKay stood by looking deflated. Ford joined them with a nod as Sheppard made his way out. Weir looked at him and smiled.

"I see everything went smoothly," she said.

Sheppard looked across at McKay, who was glaring, and back at Weir with a huge smile. "I'd say so."

"Well, excellent. We'll hold a briefing tomorrow morning at eleven. Dr. Beckett will have had time to examine some of those samples by then," Weir said with a satisfied smile and walked away, Teyla falling into step with her.

Sheppard looked across at McKay with a smile. "Hey, Rodney, wanna hang out?"

McKay narrowed his eyes at Sheppard. "Not unless it involves you on the other side of a very high balcony. Now, if you excuse me, I think I need to channel some unspent energy. Don't be surprised if I have a working ZPM in the morning."

Sheppard watched McKay stalk off. "Boy, that guy can really hold a grudge."

Ford made a move to leave and Sheppard found his hand shooting out to grab the other man's arm. Ford stopped and looked at the hand on his arm and Sheppard quickly withdrew it.

"Where are you going?"

Ford shrugged. "I figured we should probably have some distance, in case, you know?"

Sheppard nodded. "Right. Alien Viagra. Well, good luck with that."

Ford looked insulted. "I don't need luck, Sir. I can control myself."

Sheppard shrugged and smiled. "Hey, I'm sure you can."

Ford gave a petulant scowl and walked away. Sheppard sighed and stood alone in the bay and wondered if locking himself into the puddle jumper was an option.

Jacket slung over shoulder, Ford sauntered down the corridor towards his quarters. No amount of alien drugs were going to make him go to Sheppard. If anyone was ever going to make the first move, it was the Major. Drug or no drug. Ford wasn't stupid.

Sheppard sat back on his bed and proceeded to fold a piece of paper into a plane. Task complete, he threw the paper plane and watched it fly towards the door, hit the spot and then drift to the floor.

"Enhances. Mating. Potential," Sheppard murmured quietly as he folded a second page.

Ford turned over onto his back. His muscles still felt tight and uncomfortable. He sighed and turned onto his stomach, burying his face in the pillow. Somehow his discomfort only increased. He turned over and stared into the dark of his quarters.

Sheppard was trying to ascertain whether the drink was working or not. He felt warm, very warm. His heart seemed to be racing and he was standing still in the middle of the room doing absolutely nothing. Sure Ford was on his mind, but Ford was on his mind one way or another most of the time.

It would be careless to give in. People would find out sooner or later and in the Pegasus galaxy, it would be hard to get a transfer if things went bad. And if they went back and people found out, Sheppard's file, which was thicker than a phone book, would be brought out in ten seconds flat.

Sheppard sighed.

Then again, you couldn't beat alien love juice.

Ford rolled his eyes and walked towards Sheppard's quarters. Though he told himself not to go, his feet just kept walking. The door was getting nearer and nearer and he hated himself for caving in. It was just to talk, he told himself, nothing else.

Ford reached the door and stared. He took a deep breath and thought of turning back.

The door slid open and Sheppard stepped out, colliding with Ford.

They both stared at each other.

"I was just on my way to see you," Sheppard said quietly.

Ford nodded and walked past Sheppard. Sheppard returned to his quarters, the door sliding shut behind him. Ford was waiting for him in the middle of the room.

He slowly approached Ford. Ford watched silently. They stood an inch apart, their eyes daring each other. Sheppard made the first move, his hand going to the neck of Ford's sweatshirt. He hooked a finger in the front of it and pulled Ford close. As their lips neared, Ford jerked back.

"I'm not a leggy blonde," he said.

"Hey, I might not even be your type," Sheppard said, his voice low.

"What if I said you were my type?" Ford asked quietly.

Sheppard closed his eyes and sighed. When he looked back at Ford, his face had a softened look. "I'd have to forget in the morning."

Ford stared for a moment before moving in closer, letting his lips touch Sheppard's. He felt one of Sheppard's hands on his face, a finger idly stroking down towards his jaw and the other hand crawling under his sweatshirt.

Sheppard pulled back for a moment and frowned at Ford. Ford looked away too, a quizzical look on his face.

It was a sudden rush of heat that made him look away; a layer of fire under his skin, sudden and harsh, making him gasp. He looked at Sheppard whose face was flushed.

"You feel that?" Ford asked.

"I wouldn't be surprised if Atlantis felt it," Sheppard said as he grabbed the front of Ford's sweatshirt with both hands.

Within seconds he had Ford up against the wall, his mouth crushed against Ford's as his hands pushed the sweatshirt up.

Pushing it up over Ford's head, Sheppard threw it somewhere behind him and his mouth moved to the other man's collar bone, kissing and biting, until he moved lower and closed his mouth over a nipple.

Ford shut his eyes and groaned, pushing his head back into the wall as his legs turned to water. He grabbed Sheppard by his hair and pulled him up for a kiss before they both fell to the floor.

When Ford awoke, the night's memories took a few seconds to come flooding back. They pummeled his brain in short flashes of sensation. Delightful sensation. He sighed and turned onto his back, his hand patting the empty space beside him, where Sheppard must have been lying not so long ago.

After basking a little longer in the memories of the night before, Ford discreetly slipped away from Sheppard's quarters, telling himself that nothing had happened.

no reason we can't go out with a bang

The huge cell door slowly opened and two burly men dragged John Sheppard into the middle of the cell where they unceremoniously dropped him on the cold, stone floor. Both gave a disapproving look to Ford who sat calmly against the far wall. He stared back defiantly.

The men left and even before the door closed, Ford was by Sheppard's side, turning him gently onto his back. He grimaced when he saw the angry bruises that covered Sheppard's face.

Sheppard slowly opened his eyes and squinted up at the other man. "Hey, Ford."

"Let me guess, Sir, they didn't feel like talking."

Sheppard sighed and stared up at the ceiling. "Actually, they couldn't stop talking. They just don't talk with their mouths is all. We should set them up on a blind date with the Wraith."

Sheppard slowly pulled himself up and managed to crawl to the side of the room, where he could lean against the wall. Ford looked at the vertical slit, high in the wall that Sheppard was sitting against. It was the only window in the room, supplying a slim ray of light into the cell. It looked as though the sun was on its way down, meaning they had spent their whole day getting bruised from the discussions with the natives.

"You think they're lying about McKay and Teyla?" Ford asked.

Sheppard nodded slowly. "They got away."

"How can you be sure?"

"They're not in here getting the crap kicked out of them," Sheppard said with a raise of his eyebrows.

Ford nodded and went to sit against the adjacent wall. The situation looked dire. Even if McKay and Teyla got away, there was no telling if they could come back. Ford's head snapped up when he heard the boisterous laughter outside their cell. The laughter died down after a bit and they could hear footsteps on the other side of the wall. In a few moments, the sounds seemed replaced by complete silence.

Ford frowned and got up. He went to the door and stood there for a moment, his palms against the cold metal as he listened for clues to what was happening on the other side.

Sheppard watched Ford as he stood there quietly, still and focused. He tilted his head slightly and found his eyes traveling up and down the other man's body, coming to rest on his posterior. Ford leaned into the door, pressing his ear against it. Sheppard sighed.

Ford turned around and caught the strange, wistful look on Sheppard's face and didn't fail to notice the focus of his gaze. Ford narrowed his eyes and Sheppard looked away with a denying frown.

"What do you think's going on out there? Sounds like they've all left," Ford said, pointing to the door.

"Apparently there's a really big seasonal party tonight. We're not invited by the way."

"Too bad. I like parties," Ford said, absently staring off into space. "They just left us here on our own?"

"Yep. Pretty much."

Ford stared at Sheppard. "And the really bad news you're holding out on is?"

Sheppard's eyes moved across the room as he chose his words carefully. "Well, apparently, as soon as the noon sun hits this hole in the wall, this cell becomes an oven and we become thanksgiving dinner."

Ford stared, speechless.

"I know. You'd think they'd throw in a bag of spuds, but apparently it's just Major Sheppard and a side order of Ford for the main course."

Ford sat down on the floor, leaning against the door. "I guess that's why they've been tenderizing us all day," he said, earning a smile out of Sheppard.

"Well, that and because I told them we'd be chewy. Of course, that just made them want to keep talking."

"So, what now, Sir? Are we just going to sit and here and wait to become someone's evening meal?"

"Not much we can do right now, Ford. This cell is made of concrete blocks that probably weigh a ton each. That door is three to four inches thick. We've got no weapons or backup. We've just gotta hope Teyla and McKay did make it back."

Ford stared at the slit in the wall, wondering what made Sheppard seem so unaffected by being beaten up and locked in a cell. Actually, he didn't want to think about it. Ford took off his cap and dusted the top off, aware that Sheppard was watching.

"I saw you looking at my ass, you know," Ford said, picking an invisible piece of lint from the cap.

Sheppard scoffed. "I was not looking at your ass."

Ford shrugged. "It's okay. I don't mind."

"Well, that doesn't matter. I wasn't looking," Sheppard said indignantly.

"Okay. Whatever you say."

"That's, whatever you say, Sir," Sheppard corrected.

Ford gave Sheppard a challenging look. "Okay. I know you were looking at my ass, Sir."

Sheppard rolled his eyes. "Drop it, Ford. And besides, it's not like I touched it."

"It's not like I ever stopped you from touching it," Ford said, mischievously. "Sir."

"This conversation is officially inappropriate, Lieutenant. Drop it."

Ford looked away, clearly amused. Sheppard felt his blood simmering somewhere near the surface.

"What?" he asked.

Ford looked up. "I didn't say anything."

"What was that smile about?"

Ford smiled again. "Cannibals. Who would've figured?"

"Yeah, well, next time McKay says someone's looking at him like they're going to eat him, we listen instead of making fun of the guy."

"If there's a next time," Ford said.

"It's too early to give up, Ford. It's not over until it's over."

Ford's eyes were wide and looking straight through Sheppard. For a moment he felt caught in the headlights.

"But what if this is it?"

"It?" Sheppard asked, his eyes fixed on Ford's.

"Yeah. It," Ford said. "All that stuff you wanted to do is just left hanging. I don't know about you, Sir, but being basted like a turkey was never on my 'to do' list."

"And exactly what is on your 'to do' list?" Sheppard asked with a smirk.

The answer was a hundred watt grin.

It was the sound of gunfire that woke Ford. His eyes snapped open and he sat up when he heard shouts of familiar voices getting closer and closer.

Next to him, Sheppard suddenly sat up and looked towards the sound of the shouting.

"Looks like we're being rescued," Ford said with a grin.

Sheppard was on his feet, frantically putting on his clothes on, while Ford watched with amusement.

"Ford, not to say that I didn't have a good time, but this did not happen. It did not happen and will not happen again. I want you to forget about it and we will never talk about this again and what the hell is wrong with this jacket?"

"It's mine," Ford said, grinning.

Sheppard discarded the jacket and threw it at Ford. "Get dressed."

"Why? Am I distracting you?"

Sheppard looked long and hard at the body his hands had explored not so long ago. "No."

"Too bad," Ford said with a satisfied smile.

Sheppard picked up the pile of clothes that belonged to Ford and held them out. "Pants. On. Now."

this may just be the drink, but, you make me feel all kinds of stuff...

Ford reached for the popcorn and his fingers touched Sheppard's. Both their hands stilled momentarily and then drew back. The sudden crackle of heat they felt was buried and quickly forgotten and their eyes were fixed ahead on the projection screen where Sheppard's prized possession was playing.

Ford watched quietly and noted with amusement that every time he saw Sheppard watch the game, it was as if the man was watching it for the very first time; so enthusiastic and filled with joy. Ford stole a glance and saw Sheppard grinning at the screen, bouncing back against the couch a little, excited as if he didn't know what was going to happen next. Ford wanted to grab the bowl of popcorn and throw it across the room and then follow it up by climbing into Sheppard's lap, kissing him deeply and making him remember how good it felt when they were both skin on skin.

Only, it was never supposed to have happened. They were supposed to have forgotten about it. It was all situational sex. Accidental. Unintended.

Sheppard's eyes turned to Ford and found them locked in a stare. He looked away, uncomfortable and leaned forward to place the bowl on the table. He picked up a large bottle of Athosian spirit and filled his glass, tilting it towards Ford next.

"Nah. I should probably get going. It's pretty late," Ford said.

Sheppard looked disappointed and Ford could tell the smile was forced. "Well, you gotta get your beauty sleep."

Ford smiled. "Just as well, Sir. I'd probably drink you under the table."

Sheppard's eyebrows shot up. "Oh, really? Is that a challenge, Lieutenant?"

Ford shrugged. "I was just saying."

Sheppard filled Ford's glass. "Put your money where your mouth is."

Ford grinned and picked up his glass.

It was like having Van Halen playing in his head, David Lee Roth doing stupid jumps on his brain. Sheppard reluctantly opened his eyes as wide as he could, the light rushing straight through his eyes and tunneling through his brain. He groaned as the hangover announced itself in his stomach as well as his head and decided that closing his eyes was the best option at this time.

Something flopped across him. Sheppard opened his eyes and looked at the arm lazily dangling over him as he lay on the edge of his bed. His eyes followed the arm as he turned onto his back and found Ford, lying fast asleep next to him in the small bed.

"This can't be good," Sheppard muttered slowly.

He tried to recall the previous night's events. There was a party. The Athosians brought harvest gifts, including booze. A whole lot of booze. Sheppard left the party early. Ford turned up later. They watched the game. They went to his quarters. They drank all the booze. They got drunk. There was something else he couldn't quite remember. Then he felt something smooth and flat under his ass. Sheppard reached down and found what felt like a piece of card. Bringing it up, he found the final piece of the puzzle falling into place. Sheppard stared at the Jack of hearts and got a vivid flash of the game of strip poker they had played. It had gone something like this; Ford lost a hand, lost his shirt and then he and Sheppard were drunkenly rolling around on the floor, trying to get into each other's pants.

Sheppard threw away the card and sighed. He lay there, Ford's arm draped across his chest as he wondered what to do next. Ford looked tempting in his sleep, lips daring to be kissed. Sheppard considered it for a minute, to lean forward and kiss him, but it seemed cowardly to do it only while Ford slept, or while he was drunk, or they thought they were going to die.

Ford's eyes snapped open and his mouth turned to a grin that could probably power a ZPM to get them home and back to Atlantis a few dozen times. "Are you watching me sleep?"

Sheppard scowled. "No."

Ford removed his arm from Sheppard and propped himself up on an elbow. "So, I guess this is a problem."

Sheppard stared long at Ford. "Sex between a male commanding officer and his male second in command? Of course not. This is the kind of stuff you get commendations for."

Ford smiled. "You think I might make Captain?"

"No, but if we ever get home, I'm pretty sure I will," Sheppard said with a smile.

Ford frowned. "I can't even remember what happened last night."

"Strip poker," Sheppard said.

Ford's brow furrowed as he tried to remember. He vaguely recalled the shedding of clothes and then feeling extremely good. "Who won?"

Sheppard smiled proudly. "Me, of course."

"Because you were cheating," Ford said, groping for memories.

"I was not," Sheppard said, defiantly.

"I remember trying to get a hidden card out of your pants," Ford said.

Sheppard thought about it, his eyes narrowing in concentration. "That wasn't a card you were trying to get out of my pants, Ford."

Ford grinned and Sheppard found himself smiling. When Ford seemed to move slightly forward, Sheppard quickly slipped out of bed, pulling the covers and wrapping them around his waist and almost falling in the process.

Ford frowned. "What? Now you're embarrassed of being naked in front of me?"

Sheppard scowled. "I'm a complicated guy, okay? Clothes. On. Now."

Ford stretched back, soft mocha brown, gloriously naked and making a small pleasurable sigh. "Why? Am I distracting you?"

Sheppard stared long and hard, trying not to look at something that could also get pretty long and hard if memory served him right. Sheppard closed one eye and held out a splayed hand to limit his view of Ford.

"No," he answered unconvincingly.

"Major Sheppard!" McKay's voice made Ford and Sheppard simultaneously turn their heads to the door.

Sheppard stared at Ford and Ford grinned back. Sheppard grabbed Ford by his arm and pulled him across the room, making him stand in the corner. Sheppard's hand went to open the door and was stopped by Ford.

"What?" Sheppard asked.

"This is kinda fun, isn't it?" Ford asked with a huge grin.

Sheppard glared. Ford drew back, holding his hands up in surrender. Sheppard held up a finger of silence and pointed to the corner before he opened the door.

The door opened to reveal McKay standing in the hallway, watching a female member of staff walking away. Or, watching part of her.

"Extraordinary," he muttered.

"What is?" Sheppard asked.

McKay's head snapped around, realizing he was being watched by Sheppard. "What?"

"What's extraordinary?"

McKay looked caught out for a second and then smiled. "The fact that even though you possess the Ancient gene it still took you forever to open the door."

Sheppard blinked slowly and then smiled tightly. "Is there something I can do for you, Rodney?"

McKay was smiling happily, satisfied that his morning smarts were in top form. Then he noticed Sheppard's apparel.

"I'm sorry, are you have a toga party?" McKay asked and then grinned at Sheppard's unamused face. "Actually, I need you to participate in a little experiment."

"If it doesn't involve shooting you or throwing you off a balcony, I'm not interested."

"Ha ha Major, very funny, splitting sides, etcetera. Actually, when I say experiment, it's more of a door we can't open. We've had everyone try it except you. Carson thinks everyone else is too scared to open it, but I explained they're all probably too full of caution and other sane sensibilities, which is why you might have better luck getting it to open. Lot's of amazing Ancient gadgets behind it, hopefully," McKay said rubbing his hands together.

"Or, it could just be a closet full of Ancient mothballs," Sheppard said with a happy smile.

McKay looked unamused. "Look, hurry up and get dressed, I want this door opened as soon as possible. I'll wait here."

"Or I could meet you in your lab," Sheppard offered.

"Or, I could wait out here instead of going in the opposite direction and then having to walk all the way back wasting precious time."

"Or, you could do with some exercise," Sheppard said tightly.

"Are you calling me fat?"

"Of course not. I'm calling you lazy. Huge difference."

"Yes, beautiful. Unruly hair calling kettle lazy, I believe is the saying."

Sheppard sighed. "Look. Rodney..."

McKay watched with an interested frown as Sheppard struggled for words.

McKay held up a finger. "Do you have a woman in there?"

Sheppard stared. "Woman?"

"Yes. Woman. Member of the opposite sex. I can draw you a diagram if you like, though I can't promise its accuracy. It has been a while since I saw one from up close," McKay said drifting off into dreamland.

"I'm sure your vivid imagination can make up for anything lacking," Sheppard said.

"So, who is she? One of the Athosian women?" McKay asked with a conspiratorial nod. "Is she pretty? Does she have a sister?

"Will you knock it off?" Sheppard snapped. "What's the matter with you?"

Rodney's shoulders slumped, his expression becoming disgruntled. "Sorry. Just the mention of a woman has a Pavlovian affect on me these days. But really, does she have a sister? It wouldn't kill you to put in a few good words you know."

"Rodney," Sheppard threatened.

"Fine. I'll be in my lab, not having sex as usual," McKay grumbled as he turned to leave. "Don't take too long."

Sheppard went back inside, letting the door slide shut behind him. He turned and looked at Ford who was still standing in the corner.

"Ford? Do you have a sister?"

we can't keep doing this...

It was three in the morning and they were out on a balcony, hidden in a dark shadowy alcove where the railing ended. If anyone happened to come out, they wouldn't get caught. But who the hell was going to come into this part of the city at this time of night anyway?

"This is crazy," Sheppard gasped into Ford's mouth as his hand stroked the other man's erection, hard and fast.

"Your idea," Ford panted back, his eyes closed and his head pressing back into the wall, his fingers desperately clinging to the grooves in the wall behind him.

Sheppard was nuzzling the crook of his neck, leaning into him and slowing down the strokes, tightening his hold, his hand warm and slick. Sheppard's teeth bit down, his tongue then soothing the skin, his hand squeezing and sliding.

Ford let go of the grooves, his hands somehow managing to fumble their way to Sheppard's pants. Releasing Sheppard from his pants and boxers, Ford grabbed Sheppard's ass and pulled him closer, moving against the grinding hips.

Somewhere a door whooshed open.

Both men stilled, not making a sound and peering at the darkened balcony.

A man and woman stood in uniform at the far end of the balcony, lighting up cigarettes and murmuring quietly. Sheppard watched with a frown and slowly pulled back, his hands going to zip up his pants.

Before he knew it, Ford had spun him around and was pinning him to the wall.

"What?" Sheppard whispered.

"We're not done yet," Ford whispered back.

"Are you nuts?" Sheppard asked with a smile.

Ford grinned and nodded.

Their lips locked and suddenly the adrenaline was pumping again and they were hard and hot against each other. Sheppard let Ford pin his wrists against the wall as he began to grind hard and exquisitely slow. Sheppard closed his eyes, his mouth opening, but then biting back a moan. Ford was panting quietly in his ear and when it seemed that words would tumble from him involuntarily, his teeth closed on Sheppard's skin. Sheppard almost groaned from the sudden jolt of pleasure/pain, but Ford's hand let go of one of his wrists and covered his mouth.

Sheppard used his free hand to hold onto Ford's hip, digging his fingers in with every move that brought him a little closer to release. A few hard jolts later, he was coming, eyes closed and muffled groan against Ford's hand. Ford slammed hard against Sheppard, the slap of their naked bodies audible, yet surprisingly not alerting the other two people on the balcony.

Ford came hard against Sheppard, his hand moving from Sheppard's mouth as his forehead fell against the other man's shoulder.

Spent and exhausted, both men slowly turned their heads to look at the other occupants of the balcony, completely unaware of Ford and Sheppard's presence. Ford looked back at Sheppard with a grin, receiving a smirk in return before they gave each other a long languid kiss.

Then they spent the next two hours freezing their asses off and waiting for the visitors to leave.

Sheppard sneezed for the millionth time and Weir once again stopped talking to frown at him.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Weir asked.

Sheppard nodded. "It's nothing, really."

McKay was frowning at him, the hamster wheel turning in his head and almost visible to Sheppard.

"Maybe we should worry. What if you've got whatever Ford's got? We could have picked something up on the last mission."

Sheppard smiled. "I really don't think so."

"You don't?" Weir asked with an arched eyebrow.

Sheppard nodded. "Really. Trust me on that."

do we have to get all serious...?

They were leaning against the puddle jumper in that casual way that guys leaned against their super cool cars, watching as people envied them and walked past.

Only, they were standing in the middle of a clearing, waiting for Teyla and McKay and no one was looking at their ride with envy. Sheppard couldn't help but feel that this kind of sucked.

"So, you haven't been with a guy for years?" Ford pressed on with the conversation that Sheppard did not want to have in a million years.

Sheppard sighed. "Can we drop this already?"

Ford gave a patented non-committal shrug. "Hey, I'm just curious."

"Well, it's not something I want to talk about," Sheppard said sourly. "In case you haven't noticed, the military's not the best place to date guys. Not unless you want someone to kick the crap out of you."

Ford turned to look at Sheppard who was unreadable behind the black shades. "That happen to you?"

Sheppard's mouth had an odd set to it, like maybe it was carved from concrete. "No," he said evenly.

"That ever happen to someone you know?" Ford asked.

Sheppard turned to Ford, his head tilting like it would suddenly drop off and roll away. Ford could see the eyes rolling even if Sheppard was wearing shades. "Ford," Sheppard's tone was a warning.

Ford nodded. "I know. Drop it. I got it."

Sheppard's mouth quirked in a small smile at the petulant answer. He started pacing slightly, kicking at the sand as they waited for the rest of their team to return. Then he stopped mid-pacing and looked across at Ford.

"What about you?"

Ford shrugged. "Just one guy so far."

Sheppard nodded. "Yeah?"

Ford nodded and then looked at Sheppard. "Yeah."

Sheppard stopped nodding. "Oh."

It was the middle of the night and Sheppard was cursing himself for staying again. Even now, as he lay staring at the window, he was asking himself why he wasn't getting up and leaving. That's what he was supposed to be doing.

He sighed and turned to look at Ford. Ford stared right back.

"Did I wake you?" Sheppard asked.

"Yeah. You were thinking way too loud," he said with a grin.

Sheppard smiled. "Sorry. I'll shut up"

Ford smiled and turned over to sleep. Sheppard continued to stare at his back for a while, before moving up behind Ford, pressing his lips to the other man's back for a moment, breathing in the scent of his skin.

Sheppard whispered, "Before, when you said-"

"Yeah, I was talking about you," Ford cut him off, answering the question.

Sheppard gave a slow, thoughtful nod. Then he wrapped an arm around Ford's waist and stayed until the early morning.

you're not supposed to be the one that leaves...

They almost tumbled into the jumper and Sheppard could hear McKay snapping at Markham to get them out of there before he was kneeling by Ford's side along with Teyla.

Sheppard watched numbly as McKay checked for a pulse. When he faced Sheppard, his eyes were wide and he looked shocked. He simply shook his head mutely.

Sheppard stared at the prone body on the jumper floor. Not like this, he thought, you don't die like this in some other galaxy away from home.

"No," Sheppard said. "No way."

There was still time to resuscitate him. There had to be. McKay started the compressions as Sheppard breathed into Ford's mouth. One, two, three, four.

Breathe.

One, two, three, four.

Breathe.

And again. Again.

Breathe, you son of a bitch, breathe!

"It's too late," McKay said. "Nothing."

"No," Sheppard glared at the scientist, the blood in his veins beginning to freeze. "You don't stop until I tell you to."

"Major, he's dead," McKay said, voice almost breaking and his eyes shining like glass.

Sheppard's head snapped back towards Ford and he grabbed him by the front of his vest. "Ford! You will not fucking die like this! You hear that? Open your eyes goddammit!"

He let go and brought his fist down hard over Ford's chest.

"Major! Stop it!" Teyla said, grabbing Sheppard from behind, trying to pull him back.

Sheppard's vision blurred, but he still hammered another blow to Ford's unmoving body. McKay and Teyla pulled him away, Weir's voice suddenly sounding in the puddle jumper.

"Someone tell me what the hell is going on!" she demanded.

Sheppard, Teyla and McKay lay in a pile, spent and weary.

Ford coughed.

Sheppard stared, unable to move as Teyla and Rodney rushed to Ford's side, shooting the major looks of amazement.

It had happened days ago, but the bruise was still there, ugly and blue. Sheppard seemed completely fixated with it. He was lying next to Ford, his fingers splayed across the bruise, his eyes focused.

Sheppard moved his fingers away and replaced their touch with light, slow kisses. Too much tenderness. Ford felt parts of himself breaking and dissolving under the gentle kisses.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. Fucking and getting fucked made sense. On the floor, against the wall, hands on each other, squeezing, thrusting, hard, fast, angry, greedy - it all made sense. But not this. Not the way Sheppard was kissing him, his fingers linking through Ford's and his eyes clouded.

Ford pushed John Sheppard away. "It's over. Isn't it?"

Sheppard looked as broken as Ford felt.

hold on, we're almost there...

Sheppard fell from Ford's grasp and went down on his knees, teetering for a moment before he fell on his side. Ford turned him on his back and opened up the jacket to see the spear wound in his side, bleeding with blood so dark it could have been black.

"They're gaining on us. Leave me and go," Sheppard rasped, his face sweaty and deathly pale.

Ford shook his head as he removed a bandage from his vest pocket and stuffed it against the wound. "You'll be okay, we're almost there."

Sheppard grabbed Ford's wrist with his own bloody hand. "I can't make it to the jumper, Ford. Go."

"It's not far," Ford said, ignoring the protest and resuming his attempt to stem the flow of the wound. "You'll make it."

"Lieutenant, I am ordering you to get your ass back to the jumper before they leave without you," Sheppard said, his voice hard yet desperate.

"Negative, Sir. I am not leaving you behind," Ford said, not daring to look his commanding officer in the face.

"I gave you an order!" Sheppard yelled and his body seemed to release the last amount of energy it had.

"I'm not leaving you behind!" Ford shouted back in frustration and beyond the frustration Sheppard heard all the pain and fear. It left him staring in silence, his body going numb.

"I'll carry you if I have to," Ford said defiantly. "But I'm not leaving you."

When the door slid back, Sheppard didn't expect Ford to look as worn out as he did. He looked as though he hadn't slept in days. That was probably true if the lingering presence in the infirmary had been anything to go by.

Ford nodded and stepped aside, letting Sheppard walk in.

They stood in silence for a while, Ford staring at Sheppard, making him feel more naked than he'd ever done.

"Hey," Sheppard said quietly.

"I know why you're here. I know what you're going to say, that we're compromised and it's all fucked up now and I disobeyed a direct order, but I'd do it for anyone. And I know you would too," Ford reeled off, looking irate.

Sheppard nodded. "You're right. I would've done the same thing. I agree with you."

Ford frowned. "You do?"

"Yes."

"So you're not here to bust my ass for disobeying orders?"

Sheppard looked long and hard at Ford before replying. "No. You did what you thought was the right thing. Thank you for saving my life."

Before Sheppard could say anything else, Ford closed the gap between them. He had his arms around the other man and was kissing him with a desperate ferocity that alarmed Sheppard, short hungry kisses, possessive and needy.

And a moment later, Ford was just holding on. No kisses, his mouth pressed against Sheppard's shoulder and his embrace tight enough to hurt.

Sheppard smiled, his hand stroking the other mans back. After a while, he pushed Ford away gently, both men avoiding each other's eyes.

"I gotta go," Sheppard said, turning to leave.

"You know, I heard this story, if you save a guy's life, you become responsible for it. You know, in a forever kind of way," Ford said, making Sheppard turn back.

Sheppard smiled. "Yeah? Where'd'you hear that?"

"Dr. Weir told me," Ford said with a shrug. "When we brought you back."

"That's quite a responsibility. You think you're up to it?"

Ford jutted out his chin and stood noticeably taller. "I got your back."

Sheppard's smile widened and he nodded. "I know."

Ford gave an affirming nod and Sheppard left, all the important things unsaid, but somehow loud and clear.

- the end -